Is a promise a promise? Half an year ago, I think it definitely was. And it was the main goal for me to keep going to make our life better. However, it will no longer be. What's more, people nowadays keep telling and showing us that a promise is just a LIE.
Watching the news on TV about the divorce of a couple because of the physical handicap of the wife, I was really astounded. The husband applied for the divorce because he wants to marry another woman with healthy legs. How cruel the man is! How forgettable the man is! Just as the words I've said a few days ago, how could the man forget his promise made on the day when he married the woman many years ago? For him, a promise isn't a promise anymore? A promise is just a joke.
I used to believe the promise someone gave me, and I used to keep the promise and believe in the promise which will be fulfilled someday. However, after the trauma, I don't think I will be lucky enough to accept and believe any promise. For me, a promise is just nonsense!
20:55 October 3, 2007
2007年10月29日 星期一
Visiting the library in NCTU
This afternoon, a friend of my colleagues gave me a tour to the library in NCTU.
It was a huge building. Outside the building, there are some art works. Inside the lobby, there is a piano. These two reminded me of some memories in the past, which I tried to let them go. The friend of my colleagues kindly and friendly showed me around floor by floor. Then, he took me to see a very special design inside the building, the atrium. Though having visited this library a long time ago, I didn't remember such work in Chinese style. After the tour in the library, we took a walk around the campus. It has been a long time that I haven't stepped into it. Everything is familiar, but the company is different. What an odd feeling!
18:34 September 9, 2007
It was a huge building. Outside the building, there are some art works. Inside the lobby, there is a piano. These two reminded me of some memories in the past, which I tried to let them go. The friend of my colleagues kindly and friendly showed me around floor by floor. Then, he took me to see a very special design inside the building, the atrium. Though having visited this library a long time ago, I didn't remember such work in Chinese style. After the tour in the library, we took a walk around the campus. It has been a long time that I haven't stepped into it. Everything is familiar, but the company is different. What an odd feeling!
18:34 September 9, 2007
Visiting Taipei 101
It was the third time for me to visit Taipei 101. Each time I got different feelings....
During the visit for the first time, someone took me there while we were still in love. We took some pictures there. In the pictures, I smiled happily and broadly, though I was fat. Then, we took a walk around the whole building, admiring the expensive products inside each window. Though we were not wealthy enough to buy anything from those stores, we were happy because we had each other. I guessed that was the feeling of contentment.
One year later, during the second visit, the same person took me there after we broke up. Before we got to the skyscraper, tears couldn't stop dropping. Pictures of happy memories flashed through my mind. The one who took me there was like a stranger standing beside me. "Why do you act like this?" "Do you know you are ruining the trip?" he shouted angrily. "Didn't these places remind you of any happy moment?" I wanted to ask, but I didn't. The stranger wouldn't give me his inner thoughts, I thought.
Today, since we were in Taipei and both Tako and my mom were busy, my father proudly told me that he wanted to take me to one of his accomplishment in his work, Taipei 101. When we got there, those pictures still flashed into my mind. But I tried not to think of those memories, and try to hold my tears. My father proudly told me that his name was carved on the monument beside the skyscraper. Like a child, I happily ran around the monument one after another, looking for his name. Later, we had a happy meal down in the basement. Then, we took a walk around the department stores and took the MRT back to the train station.
After I came back to Hsinchu, I told myself, "Alice, you've overcome the obstacle. You're brave enough to visit the place that once made you sad. You shall look forward to your unknown future, not back to your past." Though I still cried when typing this story, I'm still glad that I am gradually healing my pain.
17:23 September8, 2007
During the visit for the first time, someone took me there while we were still in love. We took some pictures there. In the pictures, I smiled happily and broadly, though I was fat. Then, we took a walk around the whole building, admiring the expensive products inside each window. Though we were not wealthy enough to buy anything from those stores, we were happy because we had each other. I guessed that was the feeling of contentment.
One year later, during the second visit, the same person took me there after we broke up. Before we got to the skyscraper, tears couldn't stop dropping. Pictures of happy memories flashed through my mind. The one who took me there was like a stranger standing beside me. "Why do you act like this?" "Do you know you are ruining the trip?" he shouted angrily. "Didn't these places remind you of any happy moment?" I wanted to ask, but I didn't. The stranger wouldn't give me his inner thoughts, I thought.
Today, since we were in Taipei and both Tako and my mom were busy, my father proudly told me that he wanted to take me to one of his accomplishment in his work, Taipei 101. When we got there, those pictures still flashed into my mind. But I tried not to think of those memories, and try to hold my tears. My father proudly told me that his name was carved on the monument beside the skyscraper. Like a child, I happily ran around the monument one after another, looking for his name. Later, we had a happy meal down in the basement. Then, we took a walk around the department stores and took the MRT back to the train station.
After I came back to Hsinchu, I told myself, "Alice, you've overcome the obstacle. You're brave enough to visit the place that once made you sad. You shall look forward to your unknown future, not back to your past." Though I still cried when typing this story, I'm still glad that I am gradually healing my pain.
17:23 September8, 2007
Visiting Tako's New House
This evening, my parents and I met at Tako's new place in Taipei.
The apartment is small but cozy. He and his fiancee have been busy during the whole month purchasing all kinds of furniture as well as some appliances. Tonight, my parents and I will stay here and enjoy the atmosphere of this new place.
Before we go to bed, Tako, my parents and I talked a lot about our work, living condition, and future. It has been a long time that we haven't shared our feeling together. From our conversation, I realized that I am a blessed girl. I have a stable job. Though I need to go to work early, I can enjoy a lot more time than most people after work. Usually I get home around 5 or 6, which is a desirable time for most working people. I can get home earlier to make dinner or do something else. As for Tako and his fiancee, whose office is far away from him, they always get out of their office at around 7, which is too late for them to have dinner together, let alone the time to make dinner for each other. Thus, I should be content with my life here.
Well, yes, I thought to myself, I am really content with my job and my life, though I am alone in Hsinchu. I enjoy the independent life with the most freedom. While I was thinking of my life, my eyes were wandering around this new place. "Some day, I will buy myself a house, a home with happiness and contentment, even just me alone inside it."
23:58 September 7, 2007
The apartment is small but cozy. He and his fiancee have been busy during the whole month purchasing all kinds of furniture as well as some appliances. Tonight, my parents and I will stay here and enjoy the atmosphere of this new place.
Before we go to bed, Tako, my parents and I talked a lot about our work, living condition, and future. It has been a long time that we haven't shared our feeling together. From our conversation, I realized that I am a blessed girl. I have a stable job. Though I need to go to work early, I can enjoy a lot more time than most people after work. Usually I get home around 5 or 6, which is a desirable time for most working people. I can get home earlier to make dinner or do something else. As for Tako and his fiancee, whose office is far away from him, they always get out of their office at around 7, which is too late for them to have dinner together, let alone the time to make dinner for each other. Thus, I should be content with my life here.
Well, yes, I thought to myself, I am really content with my job and my life, though I am alone in Hsinchu. I enjoy the independent life with the most freedom. While I was thinking of my life, my eyes were wandering around this new place. "Some day, I will buy myself a house, a home with happiness and contentment, even just me alone inside it."
23:58 September 7, 2007
A Blessing Dream from my student?
This morning, one of my cute students, Kelly, who is fond of sleeping, came to my office and told me, "Alice, I dreamed about you yesterday during the class."
"Wow, what did you dream about me?" I asked curiously.
"In my dream, we followed you to your home near school. You were tricky enough to meander around the school, but we were clever enough to track you to your house."
"Wow, so, tell me, my clever student, where I lived?"
"You walked into a very luxurious mansion."
"Wow, really? Thanks for the blessing. I'll try my best to fulfill this dream."
What a cute student! Really hope that day will come!
16:35 September 7, 2007
"Wow, what did you dream about me?" I asked curiously.
"In my dream, we followed you to your home near school. You were tricky enough to meander around the school, but we were clever enough to track you to your house."
"Wow, so, tell me, my clever student, where I lived?"
"You walked into a very luxurious mansion."
"Wow, really? Thanks for the blessing. I'll try my best to fulfill this dream."
What a cute student! Really hope that day will come!
16:35 September 7, 2007
Should I go back?
Last night I learnt that my favorite school in Kaohsiung are recruiting a new English teacher. Well, it used to be the school in which I was desperately eager to work. However, two years later, I don't know whether it is still my favorite.
Two years ago, I got the second position in the result of the recruitment test. But the school only needed one, so they accepted the one in the first position. I cried sadly then since I could have gotten closer to the place where someone lived if I had been able to get into that school. The place and the school are on the same street!
What made me sadder was that someone didn't know why I was so sad and cried so discouragingly. He even yelled at me that I spoiled his mood and that I made him even angrier. How melancholy I was to know the nature of someone whom I had been together for more than ten years. During that period of time I was terribly depressed to accept the truth that I wasn't able to get into that school, and to learn that someone was not mature enough to ease the mood and pain of the one he loved. Despite his immaturity in mind, I thought, I could wait for him till he got mature. However, I was completely wrong. It was all my fault that I made the decision to wait for the day of his maturity to come because, six months later, he said something cruel to me and hurt me deeply.
Till now the sad memory still haunts me around, especially when I go back to Kaohsiung. During this holiday, I didn't dare to stay in my room for too long since I couldn't help thinking about the time when I was desperately hurt and cried alone when no one else was at home.
"Should I go back?" I asked myself these days.
"I can save more money if I stay in Kaohsiung."
"But I will have to leave my students here, and I really like the students, the staffs, as well as the working environment here though I need to take care of myself. "
"If I go back to Kaohsiung, I might need to share the duty, such as cooking (most of time), farming, and others."
The most terrible thing is that, "if I go back to Kaohsiung, I don't know if I can stay in my room for a long time. I might start to think of the sad and depressing moment I had an year ago. "
"Where should I go?"
"Is Hsin-chu the right place for me to stay?"
I'm still wondering.
And....if the right person comes to me and asks me to stay now, maybe I'll stay.
"Where are you? My Mr. right?"
20:14 June 20, 2007
Two years ago, I got the second position in the result of the recruitment test. But the school only needed one, so they accepted the one in the first position. I cried sadly then since I could have gotten closer to the place where someone lived if I had been able to get into that school. The place and the school are on the same street!
What made me sadder was that someone didn't know why I was so sad and cried so discouragingly. He even yelled at me that I spoiled his mood and that I made him even angrier. How melancholy I was to know the nature of someone whom I had been together for more than ten years. During that period of time I was terribly depressed to accept the truth that I wasn't able to get into that school, and to learn that someone was not mature enough to ease the mood and pain of the one he loved. Despite his immaturity in mind, I thought, I could wait for him till he got mature. However, I was completely wrong. It was all my fault that I made the decision to wait for the day of his maturity to come because, six months later, he said something cruel to me and hurt me deeply.
Till now the sad memory still haunts me around, especially when I go back to Kaohsiung. During this holiday, I didn't dare to stay in my room for too long since I couldn't help thinking about the time when I was desperately hurt and cried alone when no one else was at home.
"Should I go back?" I asked myself these days.
"I can save more money if I stay in Kaohsiung."
"But I will have to leave my students here, and I really like the students, the staffs, as well as the working environment here though I need to take care of myself. "
"If I go back to Kaohsiung, I might need to share the duty, such as cooking (most of time), farming, and others."
The most terrible thing is that, "if I go back to Kaohsiung, I don't know if I can stay in my room for a long time. I might start to think of the sad and depressing moment I had an year ago. "
"Where should I go?"
"Is Hsin-chu the right place for me to stay?"
I'm still wondering.
And....if the right person comes to me and asks me to stay now, maybe I'll stay.
"Where are you? My Mr. right?"
20:14 June 20, 2007
Future sister-in-law?
During the holiday, all of my family members got together, including someone I've never met before....
She is Tako's girl friend, i.e., she might be my future sister-in-law. After asking my parents, I learnt that Tako and her met five months ago, and now, they just decided to get married before the end of this year.
After we stayed together for two days, my parents asked me about her. "Well, she is elegant, friendly, and mild. But I don't know much about her yet, such as whether she can cook or not, or whether she knows how to take care of Tako..etc." Thus, I still think it too fast for both of them to make such a great commitment, which needs to last for a long time.
But, I think to myself, " It's not proper for me to say this now since I have known someone for more than eleven years but the result hurt me severely." Thus, it's not the time that we need to spend knowing someone, but the people you meet at the right time. Right now I firmly believe in this, wondering if I have missed the right time in which I could meet the right person.
19:32 June 18, 2007
She is Tako's girl friend, i.e., she might be my future sister-in-law. After asking my parents, I learnt that Tako and her met five months ago, and now, they just decided to get married before the end of this year.
After we stayed together for two days, my parents asked me about her. "Well, she is elegant, friendly, and mild. But I don't know much about her yet, such as whether she can cook or not, or whether she knows how to take care of Tako..etc." Thus, I still think it too fast for both of them to make such a great commitment, which needs to last for a long time.
But, I think to myself, " It's not proper for me to say this now since I have known someone for more than eleven years but the result hurt me severely." Thus, it's not the time that we need to spend knowing someone, but the people you meet at the right time. Right now I firmly believe in this, wondering if I have missed the right time in which I could meet the right person.
19:32 June 18, 2007
Dad finally said.....
This afternoon, dad and mom stopped by Hsinchu by high speed rail. After I picked them up, we went straight to Nanliao harbor.
There we visited the seafood market and bought some fresh boiled squids, just like the days we had when were in Tongkong, Pengton, where we used to shop and buy fresh fish to cook soup, my favorite. Then, we sat by the bank, enjoying the wind and a little bit of sunset while eating the squids. "It's really delicious. What's more, the place is even better than Tongkong," dad exclaimed. "Of course, it's Hsinchu, which the government collected the most taxes from," I replied naughtily. But, indeed, the squids were really tasty.
Later, we sat at a round table for mom to enjoy a cup of Cappuccino while dad was taking picture for three of us from different angles. Three of us sat for a while, eyes gazing at seagulls in the sky.
"Well, do you have a boy friend now?" Dad asked.
"...No." I replied. But I really wanted to jump into a hole for this question.
"How about the one you mentioned years ago?" He finally remembered him.
"Well, we were busy at one time and we lost contact." I didn't tell the truth for fear of tears dropping.
"......" Dad seemed to have some questions but they just stopped in his mouth.
"Actually, I won't disapprove of anyone you want to marry, as long as you think clearly before you say you do. And I really want you to have a happy life. You need to lead the life yourself. You need to choose the one by yourself." Dad said.
Well, I think, if he said this two years ago, I might have told him that I had made my decision. But now, I can't make any decision. "I'm afraid that the one I choose will change in the future or he will be unfaithful to me in the future." That's what I think about men. There in the world is no man who will treat me as my father did to me. In my heart, I told my mom, "Mom, you're so lucky to have dad. He did a lot for our family and for you though you two sometimes fought. And I don't know whether I can find a man like him in the future. Your daughter is not as lucky as you."
Can I really find such a man? I doubt it!
20:23 April 29, 2007
There we visited the seafood market and bought some fresh boiled squids, just like the days we had when were in Tongkong, Pengton, where we used to shop and buy fresh fish to cook soup, my favorite. Then, we sat by the bank, enjoying the wind and a little bit of sunset while eating the squids. "It's really delicious. What's more, the place is even better than Tongkong," dad exclaimed. "Of course, it's Hsinchu, which the government collected the most taxes from," I replied naughtily. But, indeed, the squids were really tasty.
Later, we sat at a round table for mom to enjoy a cup of Cappuccino while dad was taking picture for three of us from different angles. Three of us sat for a while, eyes gazing at seagulls in the sky.
"Well, do you have a boy friend now?" Dad asked.
"...No." I replied. But I really wanted to jump into a hole for this question.
"How about the one you mentioned years ago?" He finally remembered him.
"Well, we were busy at one time and we lost contact." I didn't tell the truth for fear of tears dropping.
"......" Dad seemed to have some questions but they just stopped in his mouth.
"Actually, I won't disapprove of anyone you want to marry, as long as you think clearly before you say you do. And I really want you to have a happy life. You need to lead the life yourself. You need to choose the one by yourself." Dad said.
Well, I think, if he said this two years ago, I might have told him that I had made my decision. But now, I can't make any decision. "I'm afraid that the one I choose will change in the future or he will be unfaithful to me in the future." That's what I think about men. There in the world is no man who will treat me as my father did to me. In my heart, I told my mom, "Mom, you're so lucky to have dad. He did a lot for our family and for you though you two sometimes fought. And I don't know whether I can find a man like him in the future. Your daughter is not as lucky as you."
Can I really find such a man? I doubt it!
20:23 April 29, 2007
When a special day returns to usual....
It used to be a different day. However, it is no longer special.....
Thirteen years ago, a story began. Nevertheless, it ended a year ago. There were emotional, sensational, touching, and also regretful moments, from which I matured and realized the meaning of life. It used to brighten my life and give me confidence. Thus, should I make this day special as before? Well, I don't know. Having been delighted on this day for twelve years, I start to wonder how I should face the approach of the day. Celebrate it? Or just keep doing my own endless job? If you were me, which would you choose?
21:54 March15, 2007
Thirteen years ago, a story began. Nevertheless, it ended a year ago. There were emotional, sensational, touching, and also regretful moments, from which I matured and realized the meaning of life. It used to brighten my life and give me confidence. Thus, should I make this day special as before? Well, I don't know. Having been delighted on this day for twelve years, I start to wonder how I should face the approach of the day. Celebrate it? Or just keep doing my own endless job? If you were me, which would you choose?
21:54 March15, 2007
Why do people change, especially their love?
Recently, another pair of couple in the entertaining field were found having separated for a while, according to TV news. Well, this isn't new since there has been news about the divorce or separation of so-called "Silver Couples", such as Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman, Brad Pit & Jennifer Aniston. What happened to them? Years ago, they were deeply in love with each other. Nevertheless, years later, one of them changed and set the worst example to the society.....
In the past, people seldom thought of the idea of divorce. They always stuck to the one they promised to be together with forever no matter what happened to one of them. My grandparents were a perfect example. (I used to be touched by their love and sacrifice for each other.) So are my parents (though they sometimes fought with each other). However, will I be able to have the same result as my parents and grandparents? I doubt it. One year ago, I always thought that I would be able to realize the same dream. But now, I start to distrust people. The reason is that people tend to change.
They change their look. They change the way they talk, the way they deal with things, the way they live and even they way they think. Some people, ironically, change the one they vowed to cling to for their rest of life. It's normal that we need to get rid of some old things when we change. For instance, we need to give away some old clothes if our weight changes. Thus, this leads to the thought that people tend to desert the one that has accompanyed them for a long time when they change their thinking patterns. Is that because they have changed their thinking, they no longer loved their old company? Is that the reason why there are so many people divorced or separated with the one they used to be deeply in loved with?
When people change, the poorest would be the one that are gotten rid of. What have they done wrong? Will they have to accept the result after long years of accompany and sacrifice? Why would they get this punishment? It is far from their fault! They actually are innocent, aren't they? They just shouldn't have trusted the one who changed, the betrayer, too much. They need to learn to be stronger and see people more clearly.
Will those betrayers be punished? Well, maybe someday!
20:23 February 28, 2007
In the past, people seldom thought of the idea of divorce. They always stuck to the one they promised to be together with forever no matter what happened to one of them. My grandparents were a perfect example. (I used to be touched by their love and sacrifice for each other.) So are my parents (though they sometimes fought with each other). However, will I be able to have the same result as my parents and grandparents? I doubt it. One year ago, I always thought that I would be able to realize the same dream. But now, I start to distrust people. The reason is that people tend to change.
They change their look. They change the way they talk, the way they deal with things, the way they live and even they way they think. Some people, ironically, change the one they vowed to cling to for their rest of life. It's normal that we need to get rid of some old things when we change. For instance, we need to give away some old clothes if our weight changes. Thus, this leads to the thought that people tend to desert the one that has accompanyed them for a long time when they change their thinking patterns. Is that because they have changed their thinking, they no longer loved their old company? Is that the reason why there are so many people divorced or separated with the one they used to be deeply in loved with?
When people change, the poorest would be the one that are gotten rid of. What have they done wrong? Will they have to accept the result after long years of accompany and sacrifice? Why would they get this punishment? It is far from their fault! They actually are innocent, aren't they? They just shouldn't have trusted the one who changed, the betrayer, too much. They need to learn to be stronger and see people more clearly.
Will those betrayers be punished? Well, maybe someday!
20:23 February 28, 2007
Learn to love myself more....
Half an year ago, I seldom thought of how to make myself more beautiful. But now, many of my friends encourage me to walk out of that sorrow.....
The first thing they encourage me to do is to love myself more, i.e., to make myself more beautiful. In order to fulfill this, I start to wear makeup. In some special occasions, I will wear some, such as attending friends' wedding, or going out for one-day trip with students. In addition, I begin to wear earrings (but I dare not to pin my ears, so I only wear the safe ones). Every weekend, I went shopping for beautiful earrings. Now I got several pairs of them. What's more, I learn to take a beauty bath in my bathroom, and while I was doing that, I could also wear a beauty mask. Therefore, the skin of my body as well as my face will become as smooth as silk. Not only that, I try to wear contact lenses. After doing so many changes, I realized that, my friend wanted me to make myself more beautiful so that I could forget how fat and ugly I was when I was together with someone. As long as I love myself more and make myself more beautiful, I can be more confident in doing everything.
This is for sure the first step for me to love myself more. I also tell myself that, no matter there will be someone whom I fall in love with or not, I will be the only one I love the most. I will not be as stupid as before since I used to love someone more than myself. I won't do that again!
22:32 December 23, 2006
The first thing they encourage me to do is to love myself more, i.e., to make myself more beautiful. In order to fulfill this, I start to wear makeup. In some special occasions, I will wear some, such as attending friends' wedding, or going out for one-day trip with students. In addition, I begin to wear earrings (but I dare not to pin my ears, so I only wear the safe ones). Every weekend, I went shopping for beautiful earrings. Now I got several pairs of them. What's more, I learn to take a beauty bath in my bathroom, and while I was doing that, I could also wear a beauty mask. Therefore, the skin of my body as well as my face will become as smooth as silk. Not only that, I try to wear contact lenses. After doing so many changes, I realized that, my friend wanted me to make myself more beautiful so that I could forget how fat and ugly I was when I was together with someone. As long as I love myself more and make myself more beautiful, I can be more confident in doing everything.
This is for sure the first step for me to love myself more. I also tell myself that, no matter there will be someone whom I fall in love with or not, I will be the only one I love the most. I will not be as stupid as before since I used to love someone more than myself. I won't do that again!
22:32 December 23, 2006
One without a dream....
A week ago, one of my students asked me, "Alice, what's your dream?" "The dream for most teachers is to spend their winter and summer vacation in different parts of the world. What about yours?" At that moment, I wanted to nod my head, but, in my heart, I felt like crying.
"Well", I replied, "I once had lots of dreams, but when the most crucial one was broken, so were the others." I didn't know whether she understood it. Nevertheless, I started to think of many dreams we had had for such a long time.
"We will go to Japan, along with his family members."
"We will visit Europe, and practice German, another language we learned at school."
"We will go to a formal musical concert, for we didn't have enough money for it when we were students."
"We will have a feast once a month after we start to work." (We couldn't do this because we were just poor students then, and what we could have was eat at the street venders.)
"We will visit many places around Taiwan since we haven't done that before, unlike many other couples."
"We will stick together, and help each other, no matter what happens."
Still many other dreams.....
However, those dreams were broken and disappeared seven months ago. I don't know why this happened.Can I find those dreams back? Do I have other dreams now? Well, I really don't know. Maybe because of the sudden disappearance of those dreams, I dare not to make another dreams. I can't bear losing any dreams. Thus, I am a person without a dream. A few days ago, I explained an saying from a textbook for students. It says, "the poorest man is not without a cent, but without a dream." I think, I'm this kind of person now.
20:24 December 19, 2006
"Well", I replied, "I once had lots of dreams, but when the most crucial one was broken, so were the others." I didn't know whether she understood it. Nevertheless, I started to think of many dreams we had had for such a long time.
"We will go to Japan, along with his family members."
"We will visit Europe, and practice German, another language we learned at school."
"We will go to a formal musical concert, for we didn't have enough money for it when we were students."
"We will have a feast once a month after we start to work." (We couldn't do this because we were just poor students then, and what we could have was eat at the street venders.)
"We will visit many places around Taiwan since we haven't done that before, unlike many other couples."
"We will stick together, and help each other, no matter what happens."
Still many other dreams.....
However, those dreams were broken and disappeared seven months ago. I don't know why this happened.Can I find those dreams back? Do I have other dreams now? Well, I really don't know. Maybe because of the sudden disappearance of those dreams, I dare not to make another dreams. I can't bear losing any dreams. Thus, I am a person without a dream. A few days ago, I explained an saying from a textbook for students. It says, "the poorest man is not without a cent, but without a dream." I think, I'm this kind of person now.
20:24 December 19, 2006
One Month later...
It has been almost a month since a decision was made to stop contacting him. How's my feeling...
Well, I don't know how to say it. I have been thinking for this whole month, thinking about what I've got during this month, and what I have done for the past twelve years. Gradually I realized that I was so stupid to love someone deeply that I ignored my family, the ones who will never desert me. The one that I loved too much now has deserted me. How sarcastic!
This afternoon, when I was surfing my elder brother's blog, I found some pictures of my family, I excluded. I was wondering why my elder brother did not include me in his album. Is that because I was so different from them in personality? Well, in the past, I used to think that they didn't understand me. They did not know how I felt. They had no idea that I loved someone very much when I was still a student. They just thought that I was not close enough to them. Well, I WAS not close to them at that moment because all my heart and mind was in someone's. I firmly thought that he and I would be together since he once promised me! I even felt angry with my father when he negatively said that we were just students and we were far away from each other. I was also very angry when my father once said to me that I would never be a good teacher. For the past twelve years I tried to walk in the ways opposite from the expectation of my family. Maybe that's the reason why my elder brother didn't want to include me as one of the family members.
I deserved that, didn't I? Now I feel so sorry for my family because I have kept a distance from them for such a long time. I should have loved them more. Seeing my parents in my brother's album, I realized that they're getting older. My keeping a distance from them must have made them older. My crying and apology can not make them any younger, but my care can warm their hearts. I believe!
Right now I just want to apologize to my family that their daughtor, their sister, has been back. She will not walk away from them anymore. She has learned the lesson! She will always be at their side and always care for them!
17:15 November 12, 2006
Well, I don't know how to say it. I have been thinking for this whole month, thinking about what I've got during this month, and what I have done for the past twelve years. Gradually I realized that I was so stupid to love someone deeply that I ignored my family, the ones who will never desert me. The one that I loved too much now has deserted me. How sarcastic!
This afternoon, when I was surfing my elder brother's blog, I found some pictures of my family, I excluded. I was wondering why my elder brother did not include me in his album. Is that because I was so different from them in personality? Well, in the past, I used to think that they didn't understand me. They did not know how I felt. They had no idea that I loved someone very much when I was still a student. They just thought that I was not close enough to them. Well, I WAS not close to them at that moment because all my heart and mind was in someone's. I firmly thought that he and I would be together since he once promised me! I even felt angry with my father when he negatively said that we were just students and we were far away from each other. I was also very angry when my father once said to me that I would never be a good teacher. For the past twelve years I tried to walk in the ways opposite from the expectation of my family. Maybe that's the reason why my elder brother didn't want to include me as one of the family members.
I deserved that, didn't I? Now I feel so sorry for my family because I have kept a distance from them for such a long time. I should have loved them more. Seeing my parents in my brother's album, I realized that they're getting older. My keeping a distance from them must have made them older. My crying and apology can not make them any younger, but my care can warm their hearts. I believe!
Right now I just want to apologize to my family that their daughtor, their sister, has been back. She will not walk away from them anymore. She has learned the lesson! She will always be at their side and always care for them!
17:15 November 12, 2006
I heard winter knocking on my door....
Three days ago, it was still hot and sweating. However, the weather dramatically changed, just like him....
Waking up this morning, I heard winter along with its best friend, wind, knocking on my door. This afternoon, his another friend, rain, came visit me, too. For one who just came up here from south, it's really cold. In the evening, it was freezing colder. The chilly wind blows violently, as if it were laughing at me for stupidly waitig for someone colder and more indifferent to come back.
He used to be the one who gave me plenty of warmness in such a cold day. But now, I have to make myself warm, in such cold weather, along, and in this city where there were so many sweet but sad memories.
22:00 November 1, 2006
Waking up this morning, I heard winter along with its best friend, wind, knocking on my door. This afternoon, his another friend, rain, came visit me, too. For one who just came up here from south, it's really cold. In the evening, it was freezing colder. The chilly wind blows violently, as if it were laughing at me for stupidly waitig for someone colder and more indifferent to come back.
He used to be the one who gave me plenty of warmness in such a cold day. But now, I have to make myself warm, in such cold weather, along, and in this city where there were so many sweet but sad memories.
22:00 November 1, 2006
Corneitis..........
Two days ago, my eyes started getting as red as the rabbit's eyes. Originally I thought it was because I was using my eyes too much, including crying, reading, and not enough sleep.
Gradually, however, my eyes felt itchy. Secreta kept flowing out from my eyes, even during my sleeping. Till seeing the doctor, I found myself getting corneitis.
Corneitis is an epidemic disease. It has been wisely spread few months ago, according to the doctor. I'm late enough to catch on that. Most people have got this for a few months and have been recovered from it. I'm always the last few to be infected. "Why did I get this disease?" "Where did I get this?" I kept wondering.
Maybe it was because I cried too much for someone. I put so much energy into crying that I unconsciously wiped my tears with insanitary tissue.Or, maybe I went out for shopping and the surroundings were too dirty. I don't know. But the eyes are uncomfortable now. I can't see things clearly, either. Maybe it's God who wants me to stop crying. Stop crying for someone and start to love myself, to take good care of myself.
22:11 October 18, 2006
Gradually, however, my eyes felt itchy. Secreta kept flowing out from my eyes, even during my sleeping. Till seeing the doctor, I found myself getting corneitis.
Corneitis is an epidemic disease. It has been wisely spread few months ago, according to the doctor. I'm late enough to catch on that. Most people have got this for a few months and have been recovered from it. I'm always the last few to be infected. "Why did I get this disease?" "Where did I get this?" I kept wondering.
Maybe it was because I cried too much for someone. I put so much energy into crying that I unconsciously wiped my tears with insanitary tissue.Or, maybe I went out for shopping and the surroundings were too dirty. I don't know. But the eyes are uncomfortable now. I can't see things clearly, either. Maybe it's God who wants me to stop crying. Stop crying for someone and start to love myself, to take good care of myself.
22:11 October 18, 2006
Hope it's just an end...of the quarrel...
Last week should be the lightest week for me since it was the week for students to have their first mid-tem exam. However, I didn't rest......
After an extremely busy month, I thought last week would be a great break for me. Nevertheless, I was wrong. My heart still hurt because of him. Keeping contacting with him and communicating with him, I wasn't able to make him back. He seemed to have walked far away from me. I cried desperately, trembling severely. I found myself losing energy and nearly fainted.
Knowing that he was not in a good physical condition either, I decided to stop having the same heart-breaking moment. I will concentrate on my work, not to think about him, just like the time I thought he was in short-term military service ten years ago(But actually he went back a few days later without contacting me). During that time, I tried my best to be a volunteer in Woman and Children Recreation Center in Kaohsiung County. I could do that then, so I believe I can do this now. And one month later, I hope both of us will have the courage to face each other.
21:05 October 15, 2006
After an extremely busy month, I thought last week would be a great break for me. Nevertheless, I was wrong. My heart still hurt because of him. Keeping contacting with him and communicating with him, I wasn't able to make him back. He seemed to have walked far away from me. I cried desperately, trembling severely. I found myself losing energy and nearly fainted.
Knowing that he was not in a good physical condition either, I decided to stop having the same heart-breaking moment. I will concentrate on my work, not to think about him, just like the time I thought he was in short-term military service ten years ago(But actually he went back a few days later without contacting me). During that time, I tried my best to be a volunteer in Woman and Children Recreation Center in Kaohsiung County. I could do that then, so I believe I can do this now. And one month later, I hope both of us will have the courage to face each other.
21:05 October 15, 2006
2007年10月28日 星期日
Mom Finally asked....
Tonight when I was watching TV in the living room, mom came watch with me. Suddenly, she asked a question that I wouldn't like to answer the moment but would have liked to answer half a year ago.
"How's your boyfriend?", she asked.
My mind was blank, thinking what I was going to asnwer her. "Well, it has been a long time that we haven't contacted each other."
She got nervous, "So is there anyone who introduces somebody to you?"
"Well, I can make a living myself. It's ok to be single", I replied, heart breaking again. Then, I escaped to my room.
It has been almost five months since that happened. Do I feel better now? I don't know. But whenever someone asks about him, my heart sinks and hurts. I still have no idea about what I have done wrong. I still feel that I was deserted. And he seems not to come back. I don't know the reason. He seems to be a total stranger to me. The one who used to love me so much, but now says things hurting me. Maybe he would never thought to do this when we first met and decided to be together.
I still remember we promised each other to walk and face our future together. We promised not to hurt each other again. But the truth is hurting me severely. That's why I would never trust any men again.
22:17 September 2, 2006
"How's your boyfriend?", she asked.
My mind was blank, thinking what I was going to asnwer her. "Well, it has been a long time that we haven't contacted each other."
She got nervous, "So is there anyone who introduces somebody to you?"
"Well, I can make a living myself. It's ok to be single", I replied, heart breaking again. Then, I escaped to my room.
It has been almost five months since that happened. Do I feel better now? I don't know. But whenever someone asks about him, my heart sinks and hurts. I still have no idea about what I have done wrong. I still feel that I was deserted. And he seems not to come back. I don't know the reason. He seems to be a total stranger to me. The one who used to love me so much, but now says things hurting me. Maybe he would never thought to do this when we first met and decided to be together.
I still remember we promised each other to walk and face our future together. We promised not to hurt each other again. But the truth is hurting me severely. That's why I would never trust any men again.
22:17 September 2, 2006
Too old to face it?
While I was driving back to Kaohsiung this afternoon, I was listening to ICRT. Suddenly I heard the news which made me thought lucky to tune in the radio today.
It was four o'clock, and it was the time for my favorite program, Music to go, hosted by Emily David. On the show I surprisingly found out that today was her last show. Some listeners even called into the show and sadly said something touching Emily. They even cried, which made Emily even feel like crying. Still driving, I had the feeling of crying, too, since she had accompanyed me for a period of time.
I've listened to Emily's show for about one year. It was the time when I just started my new teaching profession in Kaohsiung. Unable to accept the truth that I was not a formal teacher in school, I was sad during that moment. Therefore, after waving goodbye to my students there, I would like to listen to ICRT while driving home. It took me one hour for the drive. During this hour every day from Monday to Friday, I gradually knew the hostress, Emily David, is a Chinese. However, she speaks fluent English. I've learned a lot from her show, such as some good music, some interviews of special people from different areas, and some call-in activities about some knowledge. She had been together with me during my darkest period of time, including the depression of jobseeking, the angry moment caused by my students, and also the most depressive period of time in my life--the breaking up with someone. I didn't have the courage to call into the show to express my greatfulness to Emily. However, I really appreciated her accompany. Because of her, I told myself to look on the bright side and to continue my life. Nevertheless, it's a pity that I haven't had time to listen to the program since I moved to Hsinchu. And today, I felt lucky to occasionally tune in the radio and learned that her last show was today. Listening to her program, my tears fell, just like the other listeners.
Though tears falling down on my face, I still had to drive, thinking: am I too old to accept the reality of leaving? Since leaving my students in my first year of teaching career, I found myself difficult to face the situation of departure. Last year when my grandmother died, I cried. This year, when he left me, I cried desperately. Also, when my students in KH knew that I would leave, they cried with me. When leaving my dear colleagues in KH, I also had the feeling crying. IS THAT BECAUSE I'M GETTING OLD? I found myself crying hard when facing this stuation. IS THAT BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF BEING LEFT BEHIND AND LONELY? I've heard that most old people are afraid of being alone because they would feel empty in their heart? Am I in this stuation? I hope not!
22:23 September 1, 2006
It was four o'clock, and it was the time for my favorite program, Music to go, hosted by Emily David. On the show I surprisingly found out that today was her last show. Some listeners even called into the show and sadly said something touching Emily. They even cried, which made Emily even feel like crying. Still driving, I had the feeling of crying, too, since she had accompanyed me for a period of time.
I've listened to Emily's show for about one year. It was the time when I just started my new teaching profession in Kaohsiung. Unable to accept the truth that I was not a formal teacher in school, I was sad during that moment. Therefore, after waving goodbye to my students there, I would like to listen to ICRT while driving home. It took me one hour for the drive. During this hour every day from Monday to Friday, I gradually knew the hostress, Emily David, is a Chinese. However, she speaks fluent English. I've learned a lot from her show, such as some good music, some interviews of special people from different areas, and some call-in activities about some knowledge. She had been together with me during my darkest period of time, including the depression of jobseeking, the angry moment caused by my students, and also the most depressive period of time in my life--the breaking up with someone. I didn't have the courage to call into the show to express my greatfulness to Emily. However, I really appreciated her accompany. Because of her, I told myself to look on the bright side and to continue my life. Nevertheless, it's a pity that I haven't had time to listen to the program since I moved to Hsinchu. And today, I felt lucky to occasionally tune in the radio and learned that her last show was today. Listening to her program, my tears fell, just like the other listeners.
Though tears falling down on my face, I still had to drive, thinking: am I too old to accept the reality of leaving? Since leaving my students in my first year of teaching career, I found myself difficult to face the situation of departure. Last year when my grandmother died, I cried. This year, when he left me, I cried desperately. Also, when my students in KH knew that I would leave, they cried with me. When leaving my dear colleagues in KH, I also had the feeling crying. IS THAT BECAUSE I'M GETTING OLD? I found myself crying hard when facing this stuation. IS THAT BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF BEING LEFT BEHIND AND LONELY? I've heard that most old people are afraid of being alone because they would feel empty in their heart? Am I in this stuation? I hope not!
22:23 September 1, 2006
Horrible Ants!!!
Living in a suite, I never complain about anything except its humidness, darkness, and expensive rent. However, there is one thing that I can't stand any more--the ants.
Since the first floor is used for selling drinks like pearl milk tea, papaya milk, or juice, there are ants around the first floor. Originally I thought there will not be too many ants around the third floor. However, I was wrong!
During the first few weeks, I can see some ants wandering around on my desk, refrigerator, and the wall. Later, I thought they would moved out since I don't have much food for them. However, I found that they are still there, and they even invade the bathroom. Sometimes I can see one or two "playing" on my bed. What's worse, they even "move into" my electronic dictionary.
Yesterday when I was preparing for the lessons, I took my electronic dictionary out, ready to look up an easy word. When it was uncovered, two ants ran out of the small hole of the keyboard. I thought these two ants were just getting lost in the electronic dictionary. So, I countinued to press the button, looking for the meaning of the word. However, three seconds later, nearly hundreds of ants fled from the hole of the electronic dictionary. The ants were running on the keyboard anxiously. I was shocked. Being afraid that they would run to the desk, I took the electronic dictionary out of my room, putting it on the floor. The ants ran to the floor, but some of them still got back to the hole of the electronic dictionary. I waited for a while, shaking the dictionary, forcing the ants out.
Finally all of the ants seemed to run away from that dictionary. However, I still could not believe that ants would live in an electronic dictionary. I'm afraid that one day, they might immigrate to my portable computer. "How could I shake my laptop to force the ants out if they moved in there?" It would be a horrible scene! And I might need to buy some antkiller to stop this.
17:20 August 21, 2006
Since the first floor is used for selling drinks like pearl milk tea, papaya milk, or juice, there are ants around the first floor. Originally I thought there will not be too many ants around the third floor. However, I was wrong!
During the first few weeks, I can see some ants wandering around on my desk, refrigerator, and the wall. Later, I thought they would moved out since I don't have much food for them. However, I found that they are still there, and they even invade the bathroom. Sometimes I can see one or two "playing" on my bed. What's worse, they even "move into" my electronic dictionary.
Yesterday when I was preparing for the lessons, I took my electronic dictionary out, ready to look up an easy word. When it was uncovered, two ants ran out of the small hole of the keyboard. I thought these two ants were just getting lost in the electronic dictionary. So, I countinued to press the button, looking for the meaning of the word. However, three seconds later, nearly hundreds of ants fled from the hole of the electronic dictionary. The ants were running on the keyboard anxiously. I was shocked. Being afraid that they would run to the desk, I took the electronic dictionary out of my room, putting it on the floor. The ants ran to the floor, but some of them still got back to the hole of the electronic dictionary. I waited for a while, shaking the dictionary, forcing the ants out.
Finally all of the ants seemed to run away from that dictionary. However, I still could not believe that ants would live in an electronic dictionary. I'm afraid that one day, they might immigrate to my portable computer. "How could I shake my laptop to force the ants out if they moved in there?" It would be a horrible scene! And I might need to buy some antkiller to stop this.
17:20 August 21, 2006
It would be a very busy semester...
The summer courses just started. I was also informed to take on many new tasks which would be great challanges to me.
First of all, I was assigned as a homeroom as well as an English teacher for a class of comprehensive senior high. (Seven hours per week)
Next, I need to teach a class of vocational senior high. (Six hours per week)
Then, two classes of practical skills will be taught by me. (Six hours per week)
In addition, the dean of English depaerment also assigned two classes of advanced reading for the students of English department to me. (Three hours per week)
What's more, I need to direct English club (two hours per week) together with one class of nigh school. (Two or three hours per week)
Originally, I was assigned as a lecturer of holiday class which sounds good for me as a new teacher.
However, being afraid that I might not be able to handle all of the courses, I got to give up one as a lecturer whom I really want to be.
What a busy semester for me to handle all of the courses! I need to make myself more capable to fulfill what the school assigned to me.
11:58 August 20, 2006
First of all, I was assigned as a homeroom as well as an English teacher for a class of comprehensive senior high. (Seven hours per week)
Next, I need to teach a class of vocational senior high. (Six hours per week)
Then, two classes of practical skills will be taught by me. (Six hours per week)
In addition, the dean of English depaerment also assigned two classes of advanced reading for the students of English department to me. (Three hours per week)
What's more, I need to direct English club (two hours per week) together with one class of nigh school. (Two or three hours per week)
Originally, I was assigned as a lecturer of holiday class which sounds good for me as a new teacher.
However, being afraid that I might not be able to handle all of the courses, I got to give up one as a lecturer whom I really want to be.
What a busy semester for me to handle all of the courses! I need to make myself more capable to fulfill what the school assigned to me.
11:58 August 20, 2006
My Memory
It's the second day of freshmen discipline; however, I found it difficult to remember all of the students' names in my class....
It's the second year for me to be a homeroom teacher of freshmen. In the first year, I made a great effort in remembering students' names, making their first few days more interesting and helping them get used to the life in senior high. However, this year, it's more difficult for me to remember students' faces and names. Is it because I'm getting older? The former students' faces and names are firmly pressed in my head. There is not enough capacity in my brain. It seems that I need to get rid of something in my brain in order to put in more things. What should I get rid of?
I can't get rid of everything about the students in KH. They are my first class. I still care about them now. Sometimes I think of the time we had together in class, though some were unpleasant. Sometimes I would look at the time and think what they are doing. I still remember some interesting conversation between the students and me, some interesting nicknames they gave to me, and some touching words they said to me.
What should I forget? Should I forget somebody who has been making me sad, cry, and depressed? I don't know. But what I know is that I might not be able to forget those memories, either. What should I do to make myself remember the students' names?
20:45 August 17, 2006
It's the second year for me to be a homeroom teacher of freshmen. In the first year, I made a great effort in remembering students' names, making their first few days more interesting and helping them get used to the life in senior high. However, this year, it's more difficult for me to remember students' faces and names. Is it because I'm getting older? The former students' faces and names are firmly pressed in my head. There is not enough capacity in my brain. It seems that I need to get rid of something in my brain in order to put in more things. What should I get rid of?
I can't get rid of everything about the students in KH. They are my first class. I still care about them now. Sometimes I think of the time we had together in class, though some were unpleasant. Sometimes I would look at the time and think what they are doing. I still remember some interesting conversation between the students and me, some interesting nicknames they gave to me, and some touching words they said to me.
What should I forget? Should I forget somebody who has been making me sad, cry, and depressed? I don't know. But what I know is that I might not be able to forget those memories, either. What should I do to make myself remember the students' names?
20:45 August 17, 2006
Get moving....
Finally I got jobs to do here...
Tomorrow morning, assigned by the school, I got to attend a conference in Nayli Senior High School. And the next day comes a real challenge: being the homeroom teacher of a first-grade class of comprehensive senior high school. Though I had been in the same position in the previous year, it will still be another new start for me here with new school, new students, and new colleagues, etc. Hope everything would be fine with me here.
22:39 August 14, 2006
Tomorrow morning, assigned by the school, I got to attend a conference in Nayli Senior High School. And the next day comes a real challenge: being the homeroom teacher of a first-grade class of comprehensive senior high school. Though I had been in the same position in the previous year, it will still be another new start for me here with new school, new students, and new colleagues, etc. Hope everything would be fine with me here.
22:39 August 14, 2006
Walking Out?
It has been two weeks since I moved here. During the first few days, tears accompanied me everyday...
Just can't help thinking about the days and the time we had together. Whenever I think about this, tears drop down endlessly. Having some moments of losing control and crying, I think to myself: I should move on. I got my job to do here. I shouldn't have wasted my time thinking about something that would never come back again. I admit that it's really hard to walk out from the depression. But I have to try.
In addition to the dream with somebody, I also have many other dreams. I have promised myself to buy Harry Potter Volume V & VI, to make myself more capable of teaching English, and to learn many new things like yoga. The most important is that I got to learn to be a Hsinchu resident. I need to get more familiar with the area. Thanks to him that I've known how to take buses here and get to somewhere. Maybe he was born to complete this mission to help me learn this area. Now his job was done and it's time for him to leave. If I think that way, I'll feel better.
This weekend, one of my ex-colleagues invited me to go to La La Mountain with her friends. It has been a long time that I haven't been out and close to the nature. Wish myself a good time!
15:02 August 4, 2006
Just can't help thinking about the days and the time we had together. Whenever I think about this, tears drop down endlessly. Having some moments of losing control and crying, I think to myself: I should move on. I got my job to do here. I shouldn't have wasted my time thinking about something that would never come back again. I admit that it's really hard to walk out from the depression. But I have to try.
In addition to the dream with somebody, I also have many other dreams. I have promised myself to buy Harry Potter Volume V & VI, to make myself more capable of teaching English, and to learn many new things like yoga. The most important is that I got to learn to be a Hsinchu resident. I need to get more familiar with the area. Thanks to him that I've known how to take buses here and get to somewhere. Maybe he was born to complete this mission to help me learn this area. Now his job was done and it's time for him to leave. If I think that way, I'll feel better.
This weekend, one of my ex-colleagues invited me to go to La La Mountain with her friends. It has been a long time that I haven't been out and close to the nature. Wish myself a good time!
15:02 August 4, 2006
Upgrading my computer....
So glad that my five-year-old notebook gets faster today....
Two years ago, someone promised to upgrade my notebook. However, this promise has never been fulfilled.
Today, my dear brother checked my computer and accompanied me to buy a 256 MB memory module, which cost me $1,600, quite expensive.
In fact, there aren't many types of the memory modules which can fit the notebook, said the clerk in the computer store, unless some old types, which aren't cheap. Hearing this, I started to regret that I should have upgraded it by myself earlier. I shouldn't have waited for somebody to fulfill the promise. But finally, there is still one type that can fit in my computer. Thanks to the new memory module, my notebook can allow me to happily talk to more than three people via MSN at one time without crashing again. ^^"
23:45 July 16, 2006
Two years ago, someone promised to upgrade my notebook. However, this promise has never been fulfilled.
Today, my dear brother checked my computer and accompanied me to buy a 256 MB memory module, which cost me $1,600, quite expensive.
In fact, there aren't many types of the memory modules which can fit the notebook, said the clerk in the computer store, unless some old types, which aren't cheap. Hearing this, I started to regret that I should have upgraded it by myself earlier. I shouldn't have waited for somebody to fulfill the promise. But finally, there is still one type that can fit in my computer. Thanks to the new memory module, my notebook can allow me to happily talk to more than three people via MSN at one time without crashing again. ^^"
23:45 July 16, 2006
What depressed me the most.....
As a single woman, she will be stressed by her family about marriage. Many relatives would "kindly" switch the topic to her love life when there is a family reunion during big days.
They'd ask, "well, how's your relationship with the guy?"
"What does he do?"
"How long have you been together with the guy?"
"Will the guy marry you?"
" How soon are you going to get married?"
When asked about these annoying questions, I felt as if I were Bridge Jonse, looking around them embarrassedly.
Well, during that moment, I'd respond, "we'll wait till one of us get a profession with more stable income."
"Well, don't introduce other people to me now. I'm working hard on my job and, besides, I don't need to know other people."
I always answer them firmly with confidence because he had given me confidence for many years. And I always believe in him, "he will be the last people to dump me in the world." So I said to myself.
However, my heart along with my dream was broken by him. He said, " the love was no longer strong enough for me to contiune."
"There are so many pressures that blocked our way."
"You shouldn't have kept me as a secret."
Well, I panicked, cried, and denied the reality I have to face alone. It seemed that he wasn't mature enough to know that passion might fade away after so many years, but the love is still there. It seemed that I made a huge mistake in trusting him so much that I severely hurt myself in the end. Despite the pressure for looking for another teaching career, I need to ease the pain myself, which enormously made me disappointed about my life and my future. "After experiencing this, I'll be stronger. Nothing will beat me off." I kept telling myself.
It has been months since he told me the truth, but I can't walk out of the grief and depression. Nor can I trust any men anymore.
23:09 July 4, 2006
They'd ask, "well, how's your relationship with the guy?"
"What does he do?"
"How long have you been together with the guy?"
"Will the guy marry you?"
" How soon are you going to get married?"
When asked about these annoying questions, I felt as if I were Bridge Jonse, looking around them embarrassedly.
Well, during that moment, I'd respond, "we'll wait till one of us get a profession with more stable income."
"Well, don't introduce other people to me now. I'm working hard on my job and, besides, I don't need to know other people."
I always answer them firmly with confidence because he had given me confidence for many years. And I always believe in him, "he will be the last people to dump me in the world." So I said to myself.
However, my heart along with my dream was broken by him. He said, " the love was no longer strong enough for me to contiune."
"There are so many pressures that blocked our way."
"You shouldn't have kept me as a secret."
Well, I panicked, cried, and denied the reality I have to face alone. It seemed that he wasn't mature enough to know that passion might fade away after so many years, but the love is still there. It seemed that I made a huge mistake in trusting him so much that I severely hurt myself in the end. Despite the pressure for looking for another teaching career, I need to ease the pain myself, which enormously made me disappointed about my life and my future. "After experiencing this, I'll be stronger. Nothing will beat me off." I kept telling myself.
It has been months since he told me the truth, but I can't walk out of the grief and depression. Nor can I trust any men anymore.
23:09 July 4, 2006
It wasn't me who started it....
I've always thought that I have been having bad days these months until I finally found a whole-life career. However, misfortune faithfully continues following me.
Tonight, we visited our aunt living in Kaohsiung County. Before entering the gate of my aunt's place, I've noticed some big black dogs walking around. In my aunt's house, we had a great time talking with each other. Later, when our uncle walked us out to our car, the dogs were still there. Afraid of dogs, I walked behind my elder brother. Suddenly, two of the dogs barked at each other. One was standing in front of me, and the other was behind me. Just when I noticed these two might start fighting, they fought and bit each other violently just around my right leg. I could sense two forces coming toward me from both front and behind. All of a sudden, I felt the pain on my leg.
Wearing jeans, I was still hurt. The dog bit me through the thick jeans. Though shocked, I still needed to walk to my aunt's place and bathe the wound. I could see the bruises and wound on my leg. Trembling with fear, I was still thinking about the time when the two dogs started fighting. "It wasn't me who started. They just fought and I was 'between' them." I told my father. But when I told my story to my friends, they all thought it ridiculous and suggested me visit the temple and worship to the god more often. It really wasn't my day, was it?
22:30 July 2, 2006
Tonight, we visited our aunt living in Kaohsiung County. Before entering the gate of my aunt's place, I've noticed some big black dogs walking around. In my aunt's house, we had a great time talking with each other. Later, when our uncle walked us out to our car, the dogs were still there. Afraid of dogs, I walked behind my elder brother. Suddenly, two of the dogs barked at each other. One was standing in front of me, and the other was behind me. Just when I noticed these two might start fighting, they fought and bit each other violently just around my right leg. I could sense two forces coming toward me from both front and behind. All of a sudden, I felt the pain on my leg.
Wearing jeans, I was still hurt. The dog bit me through the thick jeans. Though shocked, I still needed to walk to my aunt's place and bathe the wound. I could see the bruises and wound on my leg. Trembling with fear, I was still thinking about the time when the two dogs started fighting. "It wasn't me who started. They just fought and I was 'between' them." I told my father. But when I told my story to my friends, they all thought it ridiculous and suggested me visit the temple and worship to the god more often. It really wasn't my day, was it?
22:30 July 2, 2006
Back to university life.....
I attended my best friend's wedding with two other good friends yesterday. After graduating for so many years, I found myself back to the university life again......
Danny, who is going abroad two months later, doesn't change a bit. Still thin, and still fond of teasing us jokingly and making fun of us. With him around, there is always laughter.
Alan, a good-looking (like Mayor Ma) guy who just came back from States, still likes to make his hair stylish and smiles all the time.
When three of us get together, Danny is always the one who starts the conversation with a funny point, and then Alan and I would reply with some silly ideas. When three of us met Stacy, the beautiful bride, yesterday, we had a feeling of going back to the days in university. Four of us talked to each other and sometimes hit each other jokingly, or even used bride's ornament to make fun of each other. After taking some pictures, we wished each good luck in both career and future plan. It was good to be together with old friends. Because of them, I experienced the warmness of friendship and the encouragement from them. Old friends are like old wine. The longer you keep it, the sweeter you taste.
22:02 June 19, 2006
Danny, who is going abroad two months later, doesn't change a bit. Still thin, and still fond of teasing us jokingly and making fun of us. With him around, there is always laughter.
Alan, a good-looking (like Mayor Ma) guy who just came back from States, still likes to make his hair stylish and smiles all the time.
When three of us get together, Danny is always the one who starts the conversation with a funny point, and then Alan and I would reply with some silly ideas. When three of us met Stacy, the beautiful bride, yesterday, we had a feeling of going back to the days in university. Four of us talked to each other and sometimes hit each other jokingly, or even used bride's ornament to make fun of each other. After taking some pictures, we wished each good luck in both career and future plan. It was good to be together with old friends. Because of them, I experienced the warmness of friendship and the encouragement from them. Old friends are like old wine. The longer you keep it, the sweeter you taste.
22:02 June 19, 2006
Attending my best friend's wedding...
My best friend in university got married today. How time flies!
I can still remember the time she told me about her boyfriend when we were in dorm. I also remember how she talked to her boyfriend on the phone in dorm (she hid herself in the closet or covered herself with a blanket). They have fallen in love for more than six years. And now they choose to spend the rest of their lives with each other no matter what happens. So glad to see good results between lovers. Wish all the lovers can be together and share their happiness and sorrow together.
22:36 June 18, 2006
I can still remember the time she told me about her boyfriend when we were in dorm. I also remember how she talked to her boyfriend on the phone in dorm (she hid herself in the closet or covered herself with a blanket). They have fallen in love for more than six years. And now they choose to spend the rest of their lives with each other no matter what happens. So glad to see good results between lovers. Wish all the lovers can be together and share their happiness and sorrow together.
22:36 June 18, 2006
Finally.....here comes a better something......
A few months ago I mentioned about an expectation of a better something. "What is that?" Someone asked me. "Well, I am not sure. Maybe a better result of students' performance in the role play contest." My best friend thought it would be a better "someone". Unfortunately, no.
In time I found the asnwer. I finally got a better profession, a profession that I will be able to apply what I learned into. A profession that could save my life, including my weakening heart. "What my life will be a month later there?" "Well, I don't know. I'm looking forward to the new life there. Besides, I'm looking forward to searching for something that I lost when I was in Kaohsiung." " Can I find it?" I don't know. I don't know how far the kite has flown. I don't know whether it's too late for me to look for my kite and beg it back to me. " My dear kite, do you hear me?"
23:03 June 17, 2006
In time I found the asnwer. I finally got a better profession, a profession that I will be able to apply what I learned into. A profession that could save my life, including my weakening heart. "What my life will be a month later there?" "Well, I don't know. I'm looking forward to the new life there. Besides, I'm looking forward to searching for something that I lost when I was in Kaohsiung." " Can I find it?" I don't know. I don't know how far the kite has flown. I don't know whether it's too late for me to look for my kite and beg it back to me. " My dear kite, do you hear me?"
23:03 June 17, 2006
There are still good people around....
Last week I was busy traveling around the island taking tests. Some of the tests were really big challenges for me since I'm still working hard to study everything. Despite those hard tasks, I received something warm from the people around, which touched me a lot especially during this period of difficult time.....
They are supposed to be my adversaries, but they are really friendly and willing to help. A friend who used to work in the same office with me kindly accompanied me to join many tests. Another friend whom I met when we were taking the same test not only shared the taxi with me but also eagerly promised to help register for another test for me in Taipei. We even wish each other good luck and to meet again next time when we say good bye to one another. Despite something heartbreaking and hurting happening to me, I was really appreciated the help from my friends around as well as the strength from God. I wasn't deserted by God. It's an assignment God provides for me. He wants me to feel the great love around, not just the selfish love. He wants me to be stronger, not weak. Though my body is weak now, my mind will never give it up. I shall keep going.
21:17 June 4, 2006
They are supposed to be my adversaries, but they are really friendly and willing to help. A friend who used to work in the same office with me kindly accompanied me to join many tests. Another friend whom I met when we were taking the same test not only shared the taxi with me but also eagerly promised to help register for another test for me in Taipei. We even wish each other good luck and to meet again next time when we say good bye to one another. Despite something heartbreaking and hurting happening to me, I was really appreciated the help from my friends around as well as the strength from God. I wasn't deserted by God. It's an assignment God provides for me. He wants me to feel the great love around, not just the selfish love. He wants me to be stronger, not weak. Though my body is weak now, my mind will never give it up. I shall keep going.
21:17 June 4, 2006
Where should the ship go?
It's been almost ten months since I moved back to Kaohsiung. "What have I got?" I asked myself.
Well, I got lots of things, such as, the friendship between my colleagues, ways to deal with different situations in class, tips for being a proper homeroom teacher, and the tastes that make me look more beautiful. Had I not got in this environment, I might have not learned so much. Thus, if one asks me, "Do you regret for moving back to Kaohsiung?", my answer will be, "No," bacause I did learn something through this stage which lasts for a year and which almost comes to an end.
Then, "did I lose somthing?" "Well, yes." I would say. I lost something that I thought I would never lose in my whole life. I lost it when I spent most of my time with my students making different memories, including joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness. And right now I'm going to lose my students again. "Where should I be? What am I going to do?" Well, I don't know. I have no idea where I should go. I want to move out of my home and live on my own. But I'm not sure where to go? Is there any place that can accept me? I'm just like a ship looking for a harbor to stay. The harbor that once promised to await me is no longer there. Where should I go?
21:21 May22, 2006
Well, I got lots of things, such as, the friendship between my colleagues, ways to deal with different situations in class, tips for being a proper homeroom teacher, and the tastes that make me look more beautiful. Had I not got in this environment, I might have not learned so much. Thus, if one asks me, "Do you regret for moving back to Kaohsiung?", my answer will be, "No," bacause I did learn something through this stage which lasts for a year and which almost comes to an end.
Then, "did I lose somthing?" "Well, yes." I would say. I lost something that I thought I would never lose in my whole life. I lost it when I spent most of my time with my students making different memories, including joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness. And right now I'm going to lose my students again. "Where should I be? What am I going to do?" Well, I don't know. I have no idea where I should go. I want to move out of my home and live on my own. But I'm not sure where to go? Is there any place that can accept me? I'm just like a ship looking for a harbor to stay. The harbor that once promised to await me is no longer there. Where should I go?
21:21 May22, 2006
Interesting Websites about Vocabulary Games
As English instructors, they are always questioned about ways to learning English or ways to improving English proficiency. As a matter of fact, English learning can be divided into four categories, i.e., listening, speaking, reading and writing. However, more subcategories can be divided under each category. For instance, the "reading category" also includes vocabulary learning, grammar learning; the "speaking category" can be divided into pronunciation, conversation, and speech.
The following are some interesting websites about vocabulary learning, including some funny games for examining one's vocabulary capacity.
1. http://www.hastars.com/flashgame/haBrainEng/ This is a quite famous one. In it, you can check your vocabulary size, and if you are really good, you can even leave your name on the top ten and print a certificate as an award.
2. http://www.yousmart.com/index.asp In this one, you have to log in first. After you log in, you can play many different games concering English learning.
3. ....under research...
10:00 May 13, 2006
The following are some interesting websites about vocabulary learning, including some funny games for examining one's vocabulary capacity.
1. http://www.hastars.com/flashgame/haBrainEng/ This is a quite famous one. In it, you can check your vocabulary size, and if you are really good, you can even leave your name on the top ten and print a certificate as an award.
2. http://www.yousmart.com/index.asp In this one, you have to log in first. After you log in, you can play many different games concering English learning.
3. ....under research...
10:00 May 13, 2006
How difficult it is to let go...
It's really difficult to let go of something which one has held for twelve years......
I thought I can do it.
When doing it on the first day, I just had the feeling of regret.
However, the heart got hurt more seriously the second day,
and then, the third day, I can no longer bear the pain.
A strong pain from my heart.
19:48 May 2, 2006
I thought I can do it.
When doing it on the first day, I just had the feeling of regret.
However, the heart got hurt more seriously the second day,
and then, the third day, I can no longer bear the pain.
A strong pain from my heart.
19:48 May 2, 2006
Farewell?
I had a sweet dream last night.
In the dream, I was happily flying the kite.
But when I woke up early this morning, that dream hurt me deeply.
Too weak to recall the dream.
Too sick to hold the kite.
Shall I let go of the kite?
The kite has flown too high to hear what I said during these days and years.
Can the kite hear what I just asked?
Having been ill for one month, I was no longer able to hold it tight.
A dying person with a kite that longs for freedom.....
The kite must have hoped to get it for a long time.....
Now the heart of the dying person no longer beat...
the kite is free......
Go, wish you fly higher.....
My dear kite....
12:26 April 29, 2006
In the dream, I was happily flying the kite.
But when I woke up early this morning, that dream hurt me deeply.
Too weak to recall the dream.
Too sick to hold the kite.
Shall I let go of the kite?
The kite has flown too high to hear what I said during these days and years.
Can the kite hear what I just asked?
Having been ill for one month, I was no longer able to hold it tight.
A dying person with a kite that longs for freedom.....
The kite must have hoped to get it for a long time.....
Now the heart of the dying person no longer beat...
the kite is free......
Go, wish you fly higher.....
My dear kite....
12:26 April 29, 2006
Cloudy Days
It has been cloudy for almost a month....
I couldn't see the sunshine. Nor could I live strongly. Like a dying plant, I'm waiting for the visit of the death.
20:36 April 27, 2006
I couldn't see the sunshine. Nor could I live strongly. Like a dying plant, I'm waiting for the visit of the death.
20:36 April 27, 2006
My Dream
I once had a dream....
My partner and I, in the dream,
Bought a house of our own,
Purchased a small car but full of happiness.
We worked hard on weekdays...
During the weekends, we drove the lovely little car...
To somewhere worth enjoying its beautiful scenery...
To where we could relax,
To where no fight and war existed,
To where we could have wonderful memories,
To where we could always put each other in hearts.
To where everything would never change till we died.
Sounds like a dream of impossibility,
A dream of Utopia,
Or a dream of Neverland.
But if half of the dream can come true,
I shall die without any regret.
19:34 April 10, 2006
My partner and I, in the dream,
Bought a house of our own,
Purchased a small car but full of happiness.
We worked hard on weekdays...
During the weekends, we drove the lovely little car...
To somewhere worth enjoying its beautiful scenery...
To where we could relax,
To where no fight and war existed,
To where we could have wonderful memories,
To where we could always put each other in hearts.
To where everything would never change till we died.
Sounds like a dream of impossibility,
A dream of Utopia,
Or a dream of Neverland.
But if half of the dream can come true,
I shall die without any regret.
19:34 April 10, 2006
The Worst Nightmare
I had a nightmare the night before last night. The nightmare was so horrible that I dared not to sleep yesterday.
In my dream, my kite cut off the line itself and flew away without telling me. The feeling of disappointment and depression struck me like a tidal wave. How dreadful the dream was! How melancholy I felt! Tears accompanied me all day long. Keeping thinking about the good times I flew the kite in the past, I wished it were just a nightmare, not a real one.
Will my kite really do this to me? The line goes too high, too far. No matter how loudly I ask my kite, it doesn't respond. Nor does it give any hint to me, telling me that it's worth waiting for the kite that flies high.
09:37 April, 6, 2006
In my dream, my kite cut off the line itself and flew away without telling me. The feeling of disappointment and depression struck me like a tidal wave. How dreadful the dream was! How melancholy I felt! Tears accompanied me all day long. Keeping thinking about the good times I flew the kite in the past, I wished it were just a nightmare, not a real one.
Will my kite really do this to me? The line goes too high, too far. No matter how loudly I ask my kite, it doesn't respond. Nor does it give any hint to me, telling me that it's worth waiting for the kite that flies high.
09:37 April, 6, 2006
2007年10月26日 星期五
A Better Something?
What am I expecting? I seem to look forward to somthing....What is it? I'm not sure yet. A better job? A good result of students' performance? A place for me to relax myself? Or something else?
I have gone through a hard time this month. In addition to some problems happening to my students, there were other extra works that both challenged me and, at the same time, depressed me a lot. After countless sleepless nights as well as days with tears, I'm so glad I went through this month courageously.
As for another part of my life, I seem to almost let go of something. Something I have kept for so many years. I still remember the exact moment when I thought I was going to let it go and never make it back. Fortunately, it seems to come back, but I'm still not sure of it. However, I firmly believe it can stand the test of time and space. I'm praying for that.....
21:49 March 31, 2006
I have gone through a hard time this month. In addition to some problems happening to my students, there were other extra works that both challenged me and, at the same time, depressed me a lot. After countless sleepless nights as well as days with tears, I'm so glad I went through this month courageously.
As for another part of my life, I seem to almost let go of something. Something I have kept for so many years. I still remember the exact moment when I thought I was going to let it go and never make it back. Fortunately, it seems to come back, but I'm still not sure of it. However, I firmly believe it can stand the test of time and space. I'm praying for that.....
21:49 March 31, 2006
The days without sunlight, water, and air...
What will it be when there is no sunlight, water and air? This kind of question first came to my mind when I was in college, but now I am haunted by the feeling again these days....
The days without sunlight will be full of darkness; the days without water will be dull; and the days without air will be lifeless. What is my sunlight? What is the water in my life? And what is the air? I think, one of them is my career; another is my soul; and the other is the love from people around. But which one will be my sunlight and others? I'm not sure yet.
Let me think about my career first. I love my career because I can fulfill my ambition and the dreams I have had since I was still a student. Performing my job gives me the sense of achievement. Without it, my life will be boring and dull. I wll have no goal in my life every day. So, that will be my water.
As for the soul, I need my soul to ponder over things of greater importance. I also need it to insist on the decisions I made. Without souls, I will no longer be able to think, nor will I be able to execute anything and make any accomplishment. Consequently, my life will be meaningless. Thus, it sounds like the air in my life.
Shall the last one, the love from people around, be the sunlight of my life? I don't know. But I do know without the support from my family members, I will be powerless in doing anything. I will have no place to go. When I'm disappointed, I will have no place to hide and heal my hurt feelings. Without my friends, loneliness will knock my door every day and night, even in my dreams during the midnight. Among these love, I started to feel something I have lost for days or years. I used to have that feeling when in college. Nevertheless, it comes back again. After so many years of self-growth and self-study, the answer still has not been found out yet. Love or not to love, it is still a question. Maybe it does take time to learn more about it, and grow from it. I'm still too young to realize the true meaning of it. Is it?
20:53 March 30, 2005.
The days without sunlight will be full of darkness; the days without water will be dull; and the days without air will be lifeless. What is my sunlight? What is the water in my life? And what is the air? I think, one of them is my career; another is my soul; and the other is the love from people around. But which one will be my sunlight and others? I'm not sure yet.
Let me think about my career first. I love my career because I can fulfill my ambition and the dreams I have had since I was still a student. Performing my job gives me the sense of achievement. Without it, my life will be boring and dull. I wll have no goal in my life every day. So, that will be my water.
As for the soul, I need my soul to ponder over things of greater importance. I also need it to insist on the decisions I made. Without souls, I will no longer be able to think, nor will I be able to execute anything and make any accomplishment. Consequently, my life will be meaningless. Thus, it sounds like the air in my life.
Shall the last one, the love from people around, be the sunlight of my life? I don't know. But I do know without the support from my family members, I will be powerless in doing anything. I will have no place to go. When I'm disappointed, I will have no place to hide and heal my hurt feelings. Without my friends, loneliness will knock my door every day and night, even in my dreams during the midnight. Among these love, I started to feel something I have lost for days or years. I used to have that feeling when in college. Nevertheless, it comes back again. After so many years of self-growth and self-study, the answer still has not been found out yet. Love or not to love, it is still a question. Maybe it does take time to learn more about it, and grow from it. I'm still too young to realize the true meaning of it. Is it?
20:53 March 30, 2005.
Almost fainted.....
I always think of myself as a strong woman because I seldom feel sick and take leaves from work. I firmly believe in this until someday, near the end of February, one thing happened to me.
One morning, a phone call woke me up when I was sound asleep. A friend of mine invited me to go mountain climbing with her. Well, it would be embarrassing and impolite to refuse the friendly invitation from my dear friend though the call really interrupted my beauty sleep. Thirty minutes later, the car appeared in front of my house with my dear friend inside happily waving her hands to me. I was ready to go without any breakfast. I thought the mountain climbing this time would be the same as the other time we had together, that is, just "hike" the flat mountain for about one hour and then have a wonderful breakfast together along with some dessert. However, I was totally wrong.......
When I got in the car, my dear friend told me that some of her friends were driving to the mountain, too, and they would meet there and climb together. At first I thought her friends would climb the same trail as we did before. However, they chose a totally different trail, the one that I climbed several year ago and it's a very steep and long way.
The trail started from a long walk. Ten minutes later, we started to climb the stair all the way up the mountain. Seeing the stair, my heart began to cry and panic. In the past, I used to climb the stairs up the mountain with my family. However, I couldn't finish climbing all the stairs because my heart and breath couldn't bear the the long way. My face paled with my mind blanking. I was too weak to speak a word. Luckily my parents saw my face and we took a long rest. Since then, I felt afraid of climbing stairs. Thus, a few years later, when I stood there seeing my dear friend start climbing the stair to look for her friends who were climbing ahead of us thirty minutes ago, I couldn't give up going with them and stay there waiting for them. So I kept going and something that happened before happened again. I found myself unable to breathe steadily, nor could my heart beat regularly. What's worse, I was losing my temperature. I felt cold from my head to toes, and I couldn't speak a word, either.
Luckily, my dear friend found her friends on the way up the mountain. She stopped and greeted her friends. Then, she noticed something's wrong with me, and they all helped me sit down and rest for a while. It was so embarrassing for me to behave like that in front of the strangers though they are all female. There were even other strangers who gave me their food when they saw me pale and faint. It took us more than two hours to walk out of the mountain and get to our "sweet cars". However, before that, I needed to take a rest twice while we were still on the top of the mountain. How embarrassing! How weak I was! Moreover, during the following week, I found myself weak in doing everything, including having class, reading, and even doing house work. It was a really terrible week and because of this, I realize the importance of resting. Enough sleep and healthy food will be my golden rules for the rest of my life in case another similar thing happens again.
21:46 March 02, 2006.
One morning, a phone call woke me up when I was sound asleep. A friend of mine invited me to go mountain climbing with her. Well, it would be embarrassing and impolite to refuse the friendly invitation from my dear friend though the call really interrupted my beauty sleep. Thirty minutes later, the car appeared in front of my house with my dear friend inside happily waving her hands to me. I was ready to go without any breakfast. I thought the mountain climbing this time would be the same as the other time we had together, that is, just "hike" the flat mountain for about one hour and then have a wonderful breakfast together along with some dessert. However, I was totally wrong.......
When I got in the car, my dear friend told me that some of her friends were driving to the mountain, too, and they would meet there and climb together. At first I thought her friends would climb the same trail as we did before. However, they chose a totally different trail, the one that I climbed several year ago and it's a very steep and long way.
The trail started from a long walk. Ten minutes later, we started to climb the stair all the way up the mountain. Seeing the stair, my heart began to cry and panic. In the past, I used to climb the stairs up the mountain with my family. However, I couldn't finish climbing all the stairs because my heart and breath couldn't bear the the long way. My face paled with my mind blanking. I was too weak to speak a word. Luckily my parents saw my face and we took a long rest. Since then, I felt afraid of climbing stairs. Thus, a few years later, when I stood there seeing my dear friend start climbing the stair to look for her friends who were climbing ahead of us thirty minutes ago, I couldn't give up going with them and stay there waiting for them. So I kept going and something that happened before happened again. I found myself unable to breathe steadily, nor could my heart beat regularly. What's worse, I was losing my temperature. I felt cold from my head to toes, and I couldn't speak a word, either.
Luckily, my dear friend found her friends on the way up the mountain. She stopped and greeted her friends. Then, she noticed something's wrong with me, and they all helped me sit down and rest for a while. It was so embarrassing for me to behave like that in front of the strangers though they are all female. There were even other strangers who gave me their food when they saw me pale and faint. It took us more than two hours to walk out of the mountain and get to our "sweet cars". However, before that, I needed to take a rest twice while we were still on the top of the mountain. How embarrassing! How weak I was! Moreover, during the following week, I found myself weak in doing everything, including having class, reading, and even doing house work. It was a really terrible week and because of this, I realize the importance of resting. Enough sleep and healthy food will be my golden rules for the rest of my life in case another similar thing happens again.
21:46 March 02, 2006.
The Power of Friendship!
Friends are of great importance for each of us. Without them, we'll be no better than a spiritual wanderer. During the Chinese New Year, I attended some reunions of junior high, junior college and university though some of these were just a few people.
In the reunion with a large group of people, I found myself nothing to talk about but only listen to what others said about their life, and others' life. I had plenty of time listening to them, observing them, and recalling the personalities they had when they were still senior high students many years ago. Some of my classmates even brought their fimily members to our feast. How time flies! They used to be girls at the age of thirteen to fifteen. But now they are mothers of one-year-old babies. Looking at them, I can't imagine how I will look and what I should act when I have my own children, especially when I am in front of my children. Those mothers have gone through the life that others haven't experienced. They have gone through the stage of marriage, the stage of giving birth, as well as the stage of making a living to support their own family. While they were going through these stages, what was I doing? As they feel the sense of achievement for what they have done (their children, family, and regular life), what do I have for the sense of achievement?
If you ask me the kind of reunion I like the best, I would say, the one with only my best friends. Yes, the other two reunions were the ones that I could be myself. The ones that I could say anything, I could laugh as loud as I could, and I could feel free to be like a student again. I no longer have to wear mask in this kind of reunion. We happily share our working experience (though we all have different jobs) as well as things happening in our life. We exchange our thoughts and provide one another different suggestions. We recall together the time we used to have together and the time we're going to have in the future. In them, I felt I was cared and I care about them, too. We don't contact one another very often but we know we care about one another. We can meet anytime as long as we all near one another. Thus, we met at different areas around Taiwan. I still remember our last reunions were respectively in Hsin-chu. After seeing them, I always feel I'm the luckiest one in the world to have such friends. I believe that we'll be friends for life. Of course, their suggestions and encouragement will be the power for me to go on in my life.
Actually both of them are of great importance to me. Because of them, I would come up with some thoughts that I would never have when I am alone. Because of them, my life became meaningful.
13:46 February 25, 2006.
In the reunion with a large group of people, I found myself nothing to talk about but only listen to what others said about their life, and others' life. I had plenty of time listening to them, observing them, and recalling the personalities they had when they were still senior high students many years ago. Some of my classmates even brought their fimily members to our feast. How time flies! They used to be girls at the age of thirteen to fifteen. But now they are mothers of one-year-old babies. Looking at them, I can't imagine how I will look and what I should act when I have my own children, especially when I am in front of my children. Those mothers have gone through the life that others haven't experienced. They have gone through the stage of marriage, the stage of giving birth, as well as the stage of making a living to support their own family. While they were going through these stages, what was I doing? As they feel the sense of achievement for what they have done (their children, family, and regular life), what do I have for the sense of achievement?
If you ask me the kind of reunion I like the best, I would say, the one with only my best friends. Yes, the other two reunions were the ones that I could be myself. The ones that I could say anything, I could laugh as loud as I could, and I could feel free to be like a student again. I no longer have to wear mask in this kind of reunion. We happily share our working experience (though we all have different jobs) as well as things happening in our life. We exchange our thoughts and provide one another different suggestions. We recall together the time we used to have together and the time we're going to have in the future. In them, I felt I was cared and I care about them, too. We don't contact one another very often but we know we care about one another. We can meet anytime as long as we all near one another. Thus, we met at different areas around Taiwan. I still remember our last reunions were respectively in Hsin-chu. After seeing them, I always feel I'm the luckiest one in the world to have such friends. I believe that we'll be friends for life. Of course, their suggestions and encouragement will be the power for me to go on in my life.
Actually both of them are of great importance to me. Because of them, I would come up with some thoughts that I would never have when I am alone. Because of them, my life became meaningful.
13:46 February 25, 2006.
New Year Resolutions!!!
With the coming of another new year, the followings are my new year resolutions. Hope I can make all of them come true!!!
First of all, STUDY HARDER! It has been quite a long time that I haven't studied, especially about English. I haven't read anything in English, nor have I listened to any English program. I haven't written anything in English recently, eigher, not to mention the time I spent for sharpening my speaking proficiency. Language is something that we need to practice in every moment. I need to try not to let it fade away from my mind.
Secondly, LESS TIME FOR TV! Since I moved back from Hsinchu, TV has become my best friend, especially cable TV. It provides great happiness and relaxation for me everyday. Even if I felt tired, I just wanted to sit in front of TV and had some kinds of mutual and spiritual communication. Terrible, right? Got to get rid of this bad habit, or my life will be ruined just by this best friend!!!
Thirdly, LIVE FOR MYSELF AND BE MYSELF! Ever since I started working, I've always thought that I live for my parents and for my friends. Thus, I've been trying hard to please them. I've tried very hard to be a teacher because my parents wanted me to be. I've tried hard to move back to Kaohsiung and live with my parents though I need to drive for two hours to work every day. I've tried hard to change myself because some of my friends expected me to be like that. However, I don't feel happier when I made them satisfied. I'm just like a chess, which is controlled by the people around. Maybe I'm tired of being a chess. I'd like to be myself!
Hope that at the end of this year, I can put checks on all of the above resolutions happily and make another resolutions for the coming year.
23:32 January 29, 2006.
First of all, STUDY HARDER! It has been quite a long time that I haven't studied, especially about English. I haven't read anything in English, nor have I listened to any English program. I haven't written anything in English recently, eigher, not to mention the time I spent for sharpening my speaking proficiency. Language is something that we need to practice in every moment. I need to try not to let it fade away from my mind.
Secondly, LESS TIME FOR TV! Since I moved back from Hsinchu, TV has become my best friend, especially cable TV. It provides great happiness and relaxation for me everyday. Even if I felt tired, I just wanted to sit in front of TV and had some kinds of mutual and spiritual communication. Terrible, right? Got to get rid of this bad habit, or my life will be ruined just by this best friend!!!
Thirdly, LIVE FOR MYSELF AND BE MYSELF! Ever since I started working, I've always thought that I live for my parents and for my friends. Thus, I've been trying hard to please them. I've tried very hard to be a teacher because my parents wanted me to be. I've tried hard to move back to Kaohsiung and live with my parents though I need to drive for two hours to work every day. I've tried hard to change myself because some of my friends expected me to be like that. However, I don't feel happier when I made them satisfied. I'm just like a chess, which is controlled by the people around. Maybe I'm tired of being a chess. I'd like to be myself!
Hope that at the end of this year, I can put checks on all of the above resolutions happily and make another resolutions for the coming year.
23:32 January 29, 2006.
Retrospection!
Can't believe that another new year is coming....
The first semester has just passed, and there's still a semester full of challenges for me.
What have I done during the previous semester?
First of all, I just got a reward from school, a reward for the "Best Effectiveness" for homeroom teachers. It is said that this time only seven staff got this, and I was one of them. :P
Secondly, the hot news is that I passed the high-intermediate of GEPT. Though we are deemed to get it with no difficulty, I didn't prepare for the test honestly. Thus, before the test, I was still nervous and afraid of failing the test. Luckily, I didn't forget too much, which warns me the need to study harder to pass another test of higher level.
Thirdly, I just finished cleaning up the old stuff in my room, and most of the "garbage" was gathered and will be taken away by the trunk tomorrow. So happy about that...
Finallly I can really stay in my own room, not in a warehouse.
The above are the good news at the end of the year.
So delighted to have the news to cheer me up during the year on which I wasn't happy most of the time ....at home.
23:46 January 27, 2006.
The first semester has just passed, and there's still a semester full of challenges for me.
What have I done during the previous semester?
First of all, I just got a reward from school, a reward for the "Best Effectiveness" for homeroom teachers. It is said that this time only seven staff got this, and I was one of them. :P
Secondly, the hot news is that I passed the high-intermediate of GEPT. Though we are deemed to get it with no difficulty, I didn't prepare for the test honestly. Thus, before the test, I was still nervous and afraid of failing the test. Luckily, I didn't forget too much, which warns me the need to study harder to pass another test of higher level.
Thirdly, I just finished cleaning up the old stuff in my room, and most of the "garbage" was gathered and will be taken away by the trunk tomorrow. So happy about that...
Finallly I can really stay in my own room, not in a warehouse.
The above are the good news at the end of the year.
So delighted to have the news to cheer me up during the year on which I wasn't happy most of the time ....at home.
23:46 January 27, 2006.
The Sense of Achievement
As a teacher, he or she might easily be touched by students' warm blessings, such as a Christmas/ New Year/ birthday card, or comfort after some angry moment. However, the most touching moment might be that his/her students get greater honor or realize something greater, especially in the subject he/she is instructing.
Yesterday I got a text message from one of my students in extended courses in NKFUST two years ago. The students told me that he was awarded a second position in a nation-wide undergraduate English composition contest, in addition to a notice about an interview for an NTNU graduate program. Well, this is not the first time he informed me good news. He used to be awarded a scholarship from StudioClassroom Magazine and be assigned to a university to study English in spite of his specialty in electronical engineering.
Also another student from the same extended courses used to phone me for additional conversation practice (Of course it's in English!). He is a hard worker despite his poor pronunciation and grammar. This student is a vet who loves travel. Once he told me how important English was to him after he visited Japan. He was greatly motivated by talking to Japanese in English. He even phoned me from Japan and told me in English about his trip.
On hearing them what they did greatly in English, I was really moved. What a great sense of achievement for me to contiune my career as a tutor. Because of them, I will try my best in this field and pass on the happiness of learning in English.
22:10 December 04, 2005.
Yesterday I got a text message from one of my students in extended courses in NKFUST two years ago. The students told me that he was awarded a second position in a nation-wide undergraduate English composition contest, in addition to a notice about an interview for an NTNU graduate program. Well, this is not the first time he informed me good news. He used to be awarded a scholarship from StudioClassroom Magazine and be assigned to a university to study English in spite of his specialty in electronical engineering.
Also another student from the same extended courses used to phone me for additional conversation practice (Of course it's in English!). He is a hard worker despite his poor pronunciation and grammar. This student is a vet who loves travel. Once he told me how important English was to him after he visited Japan. He was greatly motivated by talking to Japanese in English. He even phoned me from Japan and told me in English about his trip.
On hearing them what they did greatly in English, I was really moved. What a great sense of achievement for me to contiune my career as a tutor. Because of them, I will try my best in this field and pass on the happiness of learning in English.
22:10 December 04, 2005.
No Time for Friends.....
It has been about four months since I moved back to Kaohsiung. Everything should have been settled down. However, none of mine is ready for the new life in Kaohsiung.
First of all, my bedroom hasn't been well arranged yet. Some of my stuff hasn't been cleaned up yet, in addition to some of my two brothers' (They just moved back from other places so they put something in my room). In my room, there're still two boxes of my stuff unopen and some old stuff that has been placed in my room for ages. I have no idea about what to do with them.
Secondly, I got so many things to do everyday even on weekends. During weekdays, I'm always worn out after work since I need to get up at 5:50 in the morning, drive for 50 minutes to my office, and work for more than 10 hours, sometimes without a nap at noon, for the rest of the day. Then, I still need to spend more than 50 minutes driving home because of the traffic jam in the evening. After I get home, I have no energy to do anything else, even read or write something serious. What I can do is write something slight (like this diary) in order to refresh my English proficiency. Thus, weekends become important time for me to do something like designing test papers, preparing for classes, and even watching a movie on HBO to enhance my listening ability. What a busy and boring life I have. What comes into my everyday life is work, work and work. Before moving back to Kaohsiung, I thought I could meet friends here at least once a month. Nevertheless, things changed into what I can't expect.
Still long for longer holidays for me to clean my room, finish my work and have a cup of coffee or tea and chat with my dear friends.
21:13 November 28, 2005.
First of all, my bedroom hasn't been well arranged yet. Some of my stuff hasn't been cleaned up yet, in addition to some of my two brothers' (They just moved back from other places so they put something in my room). In my room, there're still two boxes of my stuff unopen and some old stuff that has been placed in my room for ages. I have no idea about what to do with them.
Secondly, I got so many things to do everyday even on weekends. During weekdays, I'm always worn out after work since I need to get up at 5:50 in the morning, drive for 50 minutes to my office, and work for more than 10 hours, sometimes without a nap at noon, for the rest of the day. Then, I still need to spend more than 50 minutes driving home because of the traffic jam in the evening. After I get home, I have no energy to do anything else, even read or write something serious. What I can do is write something slight (like this diary) in order to refresh my English proficiency. Thus, weekends become important time for me to do something like designing test papers, preparing for classes, and even watching a movie on HBO to enhance my listening ability. What a busy and boring life I have. What comes into my everyday life is work, work and work. Before moving back to Kaohsiung, I thought I could meet friends here at least once a month. Nevertheless, things changed into what I can't expect.
Still long for longer holidays for me to clean my room, finish my work and have a cup of coffee or tea and chat with my dear friends.
21:13 November 28, 2005.
What a thief !!!
A few days ago, my parents went to Taipei by train during the midnight. (They insisted they go by train during the midnight though I had worned them not to do so because of some unpredictable danger.) The train set out around 11 p.m.. After they got on the train and found their seat, they started to sleep. My mom, sitting beside the window, took off her La New shoes, ready to sleep. However, it's quite difficult for people to sleep sound during the train because of the light on the train, the noise and quake caused by the move of the train. Thus, they covered their faces with handkerchiefs. Gradually, they lost their concious and began sleeping.
Around 5 a.m. my father woke up and found that his shoes were not taken away but my mom's. He woke her up and searched for the pair of shoes around the whole train. Bending down several times looking for the shoes for several times, my father gave up but wondered how his wife could walk after they got off the train. Luckily, a woman on the train had another spare shoes (though a little bit worn out) and she gave that to my mom. Well, there are always good guys in the world and saving people when one encounters something bad. Many thanks to this woman who saved my mom's feet since mom needed to do something formal and important that day. Till now, my parents has come home but we're still wondering about the thief who stole my mom's shoes. How could he/she steal the shoes when the owner was in need of the shoes? How can he/she wear them when the size is different? Well, my parents showed their pity to the thief for having to steal the shoes to wear. They had forgiven the thief and hoped the shoes can be of great help for the thief. But for me, I still wonder how in this world people could do this. The safety no longer exists in Taiwan?
15:13 November 26, 2005.
Around 5 a.m. my father woke up and found that his shoes were not taken away but my mom's. He woke her up and searched for the pair of shoes around the whole train. Bending down several times looking for the shoes for several times, my father gave up but wondered how his wife could walk after they got off the train. Luckily, a woman on the train had another spare shoes (though a little bit worn out) and she gave that to my mom. Well, there are always good guys in the world and saving people when one encounters something bad. Many thanks to this woman who saved my mom's feet since mom needed to do something formal and important that day. Till now, my parents has come home but we're still wondering about the thief who stole my mom's shoes. How could he/she steal the shoes when the owner was in need of the shoes? How can he/she wear them when the size is different? Well, my parents showed their pity to the thief for having to steal the shoes to wear. They had forgiven the thief and hoped the shoes can be of great help for the thief. But for me, I still wonder how in this world people could do this. The safety no longer exists in Taiwan?
15:13 November 26, 2005.
Happy Birthday to Tako
Ha! Happy birthday! Tako!
I can't log in your blog, so I got to leave the message here!
Don't forget to bring me something interesting from U.S.
23:08 November 24, 2005.
I can't log in your blog, so I got to leave the message here!
Don't forget to bring me something interesting from U.S.
23:08 November 24, 2005.
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Thanksgiving, the fourth Thursday in November, is a very important holiday for Americans.
Just like Chinese New Year for Chinese, most of Americans will try to get home this day and have a family reunion. On the dining table will be turkeys and other delicious dishes for the whole family. Before eating, they will thank everyone around them for everything they have.
Though I didn't have turkey on the table with my family this evening, I still thank my mom for preparing a delicious and nutritious dinner for us all. Many thanks also go to my cute students. Thank them for those unforgetable experience they brought me in my teaching career. Thank them for letting me know what I need to improve in my teaching, and also in the role of being a homeroom teacher. Most of all, I'm obliged to my family members and friends around. Without them, I would never make anything possible.
22:55 November 24, 2005.
Just like Chinese New Year for Chinese, most of Americans will try to get home this day and have a family reunion. On the dining table will be turkeys and other delicious dishes for the whole family. Before eating, they will thank everyone around them for everything they have.
Though I didn't have turkey on the table with my family this evening, I still thank my mom for preparing a delicious and nutritious dinner for us all. Many thanks also go to my cute students. Thank them for those unforgetable experience they brought me in my teaching career. Thank them for letting me know what I need to improve in my teaching, and also in the role of being a homeroom teacher. Most of all, I'm obliged to my family members and friends around. Without them, I would never make anything possible.
22:55 November 24, 2005.
Raining All Day
What a blue day! Raining all day! But at least it's getting colder and colder.
Well, finally I could smell the cold air moving south. Putting on clothes with long sleeves, I felt warm in my body. However, my heart wasn't warm at all. Depression visits me whenever it rains. Don't know why. The reason may be that I wasn't able to see the blue sky. What's worse was that I couldn't stand the pitter-patter sound of rain falling on the roof. I have had difficulty getting into sleep during rainning night since I was fourteen despite that most of people sleep sound and longer hours during raining day.
Hope tomorrow will be a sunny day, sunny but not hot. Really miss the blue sky!
20:02 November 20, 2005.
Well, finally I could smell the cold air moving south. Putting on clothes with long sleeves, I felt warm in my body. However, my heart wasn't warm at all. Depression visits me whenever it rains. Don't know why. The reason may be that I wasn't able to see the blue sky. What's worse was that I couldn't stand the pitter-patter sound of rain falling on the roof. I have had difficulty getting into sleep during rainning night since I was fourteen despite that most of people sleep sound and longer hours during raining day.
Hope tomorrow will be a sunny day, sunny but not hot. Really miss the blue sky!
20:02 November 20, 2005.
What makes you a good teacher?
In the conference today, professor Ahrens pointed out, "Not just technique, good teaching comes from the integrity of the teacher, the relation to subject and students, the capricious chemistry of it all as well as the courage to evoke, to cultivate, and to inspire someone," quoted from Palmer's "Good Teaching: A Matter of Living the Mystery".
While listening, I was also refecting my own teaching. As a matter of fact, not every teacher has exactly the same ways of teaching. The reason is that everyone has his/her own personality which might be integrated into their behavior in doing anything, including the way he/ her teaches, which is also called style. Besides style, the care and understanding of students as well as the subject matter are also of much importance. It is the students who take part in the learning process. Thus, listening to students' needs and accompanying or assisting them in the path of learning become necessary for each teacher to pay attention to. Of course, the combination of the previous two points will make teachers students' best friends while they are learning, especially while they encounter some problems. The final one is the most difficult one since teachers need to be a vital role in students' both minds and hearts. He/ she needs to be not only a role model for students, but a learner to learn from students about their thoughts, their intentions, and their worlds. Thus, during this stage, teachers might face the problem of how to deal with certain students with learning difficulty or with abnormal behavior. As an old saying goes that "teaching is learning", teachers must be aware of that and avoid stopping learning after the day they became teachers.
22:59 November 19, 2005.
While listening, I was also refecting my own teaching. As a matter of fact, not every teacher has exactly the same ways of teaching. The reason is that everyone has his/her own personality which might be integrated into their behavior in doing anything, including the way he/ her teaches, which is also called style. Besides style, the care and understanding of students as well as the subject matter are also of much importance. It is the students who take part in the learning process. Thus, listening to students' needs and accompanying or assisting them in the path of learning become necessary for each teacher to pay attention to. Of course, the combination of the previous two points will make teachers students' best friends while they are learning, especially while they encounter some problems. The final one is the most difficult one since teachers need to be a vital role in students' both minds and hearts. He/ she needs to be not only a role model for students, but a learner to learn from students about their thoughts, their intentions, and their worlds. Thus, during this stage, teachers might face the problem of how to deal with certain students with learning difficulty or with abnormal behavior. As an old saying goes that "teaching is learning", teachers must be aware of that and avoid stopping learning after the day they became teachers.
22:59 November 19, 2005.
The first day for Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire
Being a huge fan of Harry Potter, I'm so excited about the release of the movie...
Though unable to see the movie on the first day, I'm still excited. It's been four years since I read the novel, so I might have forgotten some of the plot. But, it's still too expensive to spend two hundred something for the ticket. Maybe I'll just wait for HBO to play the show two years later. Right now what I expect the most is the fifth volume of Harry Potter. Having not bought the book yet, I hope I'll have some time to stop by Cave Bookstore for that book along with its sixth volume.
Why is Harry Potter so attractive to me? Well, when I was still a graduate student, I was studying some theories about reading processes and strategies. Some classic researches showed that "reading novels for fun is different from reading the textbook for examination". When reading novels for relaxation, I don't have to check each word in the book. What I have to do is follow the plot and guess the meaning of the word from the context. Sometimes those vocabularies are not bothersome at all because I'm still able to know the whole story by reading through the whole novel. On the contrast, When reading textbooks for an exam, the strategies, or the ways we read, are totally different. We will read word by word and even check the meaning for each word in order to grasp every piece of information in case that some missing parts might appear in the exams. At that time, I got the four volumes of Harry Potter and would like to take a try. Therefore, I became a super fan of Harry Potter and would not miss any of the novels or movies about him. Thanks to the theory!! And thanks to the novels for bringing me numerous happy moment while I read them.
22:31 November 18, 2005.
Though unable to see the movie on the first day, I'm still excited. It's been four years since I read the novel, so I might have forgotten some of the plot. But, it's still too expensive to spend two hundred something for the ticket. Maybe I'll just wait for HBO to play the show two years later. Right now what I expect the most is the fifth volume of Harry Potter. Having not bought the book yet, I hope I'll have some time to stop by Cave Bookstore for that book along with its sixth volume.
Why is Harry Potter so attractive to me? Well, when I was still a graduate student, I was studying some theories about reading processes and strategies. Some classic researches showed that "reading novels for fun is different from reading the textbook for examination". When reading novels for relaxation, I don't have to check each word in the book. What I have to do is follow the plot and guess the meaning of the word from the context. Sometimes those vocabularies are not bothersome at all because I'm still able to know the whole story by reading through the whole novel. On the contrast, When reading textbooks for an exam, the strategies, or the ways we read, are totally different. We will read word by word and even check the meaning for each word in order to grasp every piece of information in case that some missing parts might appear in the exams. At that time, I got the four volumes of Harry Potter and would like to take a try. Therefore, I became a super fan of Harry Potter and would not miss any of the novels or movies about him. Thanks to the theory!! And thanks to the novels for bringing me numerous happy moment while I read them.
22:31 November 18, 2005.
Flying a kite
Having been flying a kite for more than ten years.....
As a novice kite flyer, I was told to let go of most of the string....
So that the kite would fly higher and would not fall down easily...
At first, I was too nervous to release the string.....
Always held it tight...
In fear of losing the kite....
Gradually, not able to fly high and well....
To the ground the kite nearly fell ...
Thus, I was made to let go of its string....
Let the kite freely fly high...
Feeling excited to see it getting higher....
Letting go more of the string....
Seeing it flying the highest in the sky...
Feeling proud of the kite..
Nevertheless, too high the kite was....
Too high to be seen...
Too far away to be controlled...
I found no sight of the kite......
No matter how hard I tried to pull back the string...
It wouldn't show up.....
Till now, I'm still waiting for the kite....
Where does it go?
Will it come back for me?
"My dear kite, where are you?"
Next time, when seeing others flying a kite,
I'll warn them not to fly it too high...
Keep the kite near their sight...
23:06 November 17, 2005.
As a novice kite flyer, I was told to let go of most of the string....
So that the kite would fly higher and would not fall down easily...
At first, I was too nervous to release the string.....
Always held it tight...
In fear of losing the kite....
Gradually, not able to fly high and well....
To the ground the kite nearly fell ...
Thus, I was made to let go of its string....
Let the kite freely fly high...
Feeling excited to see it getting higher....
Letting go more of the string....
Seeing it flying the highest in the sky...
Feeling proud of the kite..
Nevertheless, too high the kite was....
Too high to be seen...
Too far away to be controlled...
I found no sight of the kite......
No matter how hard I tried to pull back the string...
It wouldn't show up.....
Till now, I'm still waiting for the kite....
Where does it go?
Will it come back for me?
"My dear kite, where are you?"
Next time, when seeing others flying a kite,
I'll warn them not to fly it too high...
Keep the kite near their sight...
23:06 November 17, 2005.
Lack of confidence. And passion?
I was invited to observe a teaching demonstration presented by one of the internteachers this morning.
After seeing her demonstration, I was totally enchanted with the way she taught students. Her passion, humor, explanation along with the interaction with students were amazing. How I wish I could have the passtion like her! Since then, I kept questioning myself: am I suitable for the career of teaching? Can I really be a teacher from whom students can learn a lot? Can I make my every explanation understood by each one of the students in my class? Whenever there is a test, I can always find some mistakes made by students, which I had explained before the tests. How sad and disappointed I was when seeing students keep making the same mistakes they had learned before! Whose mistake was it? Mine? Or the students'? Whenever I think about this, I always ask myself: was it because of me? I even once thought of quitting the job because I couldn't make my students study harder, nor could I make each of my students intake or acquire everything I had taught them. This gradually made me lack of confidence in teaching. However, after seeing her teaching demonstration, maybe I sould find my passion back and ponder more about different teaching methods to motivate students' learning desire.
21:25 November 16, 2005.
After seeing her demonstration, I was totally enchanted with the way she taught students. Her passion, humor, explanation along with the interaction with students were amazing. How I wish I could have the passtion like her! Since then, I kept questioning myself: am I suitable for the career of teaching? Can I really be a teacher from whom students can learn a lot? Can I make my every explanation understood by each one of the students in my class? Whenever there is a test, I can always find some mistakes made by students, which I had explained before the tests. How sad and disappointed I was when seeing students keep making the same mistakes they had learned before! Whose mistake was it? Mine? Or the students'? Whenever I think about this, I always ask myself: was it because of me? I even once thought of quitting the job because I couldn't make my students study harder, nor could I make each of my students intake or acquire everything I had taught them. This gradually made me lack of confidence in teaching. However, after seeing her teaching demonstration, maybe I sould find my passion back and ponder more about different teaching methods to motivate students' learning desire.
21:25 November 16, 2005.
Who should take more responsibility?
Being a teacher is not such an easy job....
Years ago, I thought , when I started teaching, being a teacher was quite a difficult job, since one needed to prepare for each lesson, design different activities for each learning stage, anticipate students reaction for each activities, and finally, check their understanding of the lesson as well as urge them to prepare for the evaluation for their learning. Moreover, when students were not able to or were not likely to pass the exam, it was teachers' job to assist them to overcome the difficulty and lead them toward the happiness of passing the make-up examine. However, I found myself wrong after I became a homeroom teacher here because it is a tougher mission. As a homeroom teacher, what I need to do is not just what I thought before. What else I need to do is take care of each of the students in my own class, from their daily habits to the cultivation of their personality, in addition to those trivialties concerning about their English learning situation.
When I gradually get to learn more about those students by contacting their parents, I find that some of the parents highly concern about their children's learning situation in school and keep calling me whenever my cell phone is on, whereas some of the parents are quite difficult to be reached and do not quite understand their own children. More interestingly, those are the parents whose children tend to get more trouble and tend to become the so-called "headache" in every teacher's class. My mind keeps telling me that if those parents don't have time for their kids at home for further education, is it the responsibility of the homeroom teacher to take care of and cultivate their children, including some behavior which is different from the other students? Sometimes teachers become the victim because of those behavior. Besides, some students hardly accept correction, even from their teachers. Under this circumstances, who should take the responsibility? The parents? The student? Or the teacher?
22:51 November 15, 2005.
Years ago, I thought , when I started teaching, being a teacher was quite a difficult job, since one needed to prepare for each lesson, design different activities for each learning stage, anticipate students reaction for each activities, and finally, check their understanding of the lesson as well as urge them to prepare for the evaluation for their learning. Moreover, when students were not able to or were not likely to pass the exam, it was teachers' job to assist them to overcome the difficulty and lead them toward the happiness of passing the make-up examine. However, I found myself wrong after I became a homeroom teacher here because it is a tougher mission. As a homeroom teacher, what I need to do is not just what I thought before. What else I need to do is take care of each of the students in my own class, from their daily habits to the cultivation of their personality, in addition to those trivialties concerning about their English learning situation.
When I gradually get to learn more about those students by contacting their parents, I find that some of the parents highly concern about their children's learning situation in school and keep calling me whenever my cell phone is on, whereas some of the parents are quite difficult to be reached and do not quite understand their own children. More interestingly, those are the parents whose children tend to get more trouble and tend to become the so-called "headache" in every teacher's class. My mind keeps telling me that if those parents don't have time for their kids at home for further education, is it the responsibility of the homeroom teacher to take care of and cultivate their children, including some behavior which is different from the other students? Sometimes teachers become the victim because of those behavior. Besides, some students hardly accept correction, even from their teachers. Under this circumstances, who should take the responsibility? The parents? The student? Or the teacher?
22:51 November 15, 2005.
Miss the cool autumn in Shinchu
It's hard to believe that it's already the middle of November. How hot these days have been!
Still can't believe that I've been staying in Kaohsiung for more than four months!! Four whole months!! Hot days for four whole months! What a long time!! Still adjusting the days here, including the weather, working schedule as well as the students.
I wonder how those students in Shinchu are doing. Are they learning well? How is it going with their new teachers? Really miss all of the students there. Still remember the frozen days when we stayed in the classroom and had the lesson with our hands put into our pockets and our eyes trying hard to open. Also the time when we sang Christmas songs together, the time when I checked your vocabulary spelling everyday, and the moment when I left you, and moved back to Kaohsiung.
How are you doing? Some of you told me that you are third-year students and are facing the most difficult moment in your senior high school--the entrance examination for your future. Hope each one of you will do well and have a bright wonderful future!
20:31 November 14, 2005.
Still can't believe that I've been staying in Kaohsiung for more than four months!! Four whole months!! Hot days for four whole months! What a long time!! Still adjusting the days here, including the weather, working schedule as well as the students.
I wonder how those students in Shinchu are doing. Are they learning well? How is it going with their new teachers? Really miss all of the students there. Still remember the frozen days when we stayed in the classroom and had the lesson with our hands put into our pockets and our eyes trying hard to open. Also the time when we sang Christmas songs together, the time when I checked your vocabulary spelling everyday, and the moment when I left you, and moved back to Kaohsiung.
How are you doing? Some of you told me that you are third-year students and are facing the most difficult moment in your senior high school--the entrance examination for your future. Hope each one of you will do well and have a bright wonderful future!
20:31 November 14, 2005.
Congratulations to Danny!!
When checking the e-mail this afternoon, I received exciting news, i.e., a news report about Danny, my classmate in NKFUST, in UDN website. http://www.udn.com/2005/11/10/NEWS/NATIONAL/NAT4/2999845.shtml
Though he sent the mail two days ago, and I was too busy at that moment to check the mail right away, I'm really proud of him for the record he made (well, it isn't news when it is not new) . Also, I'll share his success with my students who are on the same boat and who are also interested in English. :)
21:20 November 13, 2005.
Though he sent the mail two days ago, and I was too busy at that moment to check the mail right away, I'm really proud of him for the record he made (well, it isn't news when it is not new) . Also, I'll share his success with my students who are on the same boat and who are also interested in English. :)
21:20 November 13, 2005.
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