Should I go back?

Last night I learnt that my favorite school in Kaohsiung are recruiting a new English teacher. Well, it used to be the school in which I was desperately eager to work. However, two years later, I don't know whether it is still my favorite.

Two years ago, I got the second position in the result of the recruitment test. But the school only needed one, so they accepted the one in the first position. I cried sadly then since I could have gotten closer to the place where someone lived if I had been able to get into that school. The place and the school are on the same street!

What made me sadder was that someone didn't know why I was so sad and cried so discouragingly. He even yelled at me that I spoiled his mood and that I made him even angrier. How melancholy I was to know the nature of someone whom I had been together for more than ten years. During that period of time I was terribly depressed to accept the truth that I wasn't able to get into that school, and to learn that someone was not mature enough to ease the mood and pain of the one he loved. Despite his immaturity in mind, I thought, I could wait for him till he got mature. However, I was completely wrong. It was all my fault that I made the decision to wait for the day of his maturity to come because, six months later, he said something cruel to me and hurt me deeply.

Till now the sad memory still haunts me around, especially when I go back to Kaohsiung. During this holiday, I didn't dare to stay in my room for too long since I couldn't help thinking about the time when I was desperately hurt and cried alone when no one else was at home.
"Should I go back?" I asked myself these days.

"I can save more money if I stay in Kaohsiung."

"But I will have to leave my students here, and I really like the students, the staffs, as well as the working environment here though I need to take care of myself. "

"If I go back to Kaohsiung, I might need to share the duty, such as cooking (most of time), farming, and others."

The most terrible thing is that, "if I go back to Kaohsiung, I don't know if I can stay in my room for a long time. I might start to think of the sad and depressing moment I had an year ago. "

"Where should I go?"

"Is Hsin-chu the right place for me to stay?"

I'm still wondering.

And....if the right person comes to me and asks me to stay now, maybe I'll stay.

"Where are you? My Mr. right?"



20:14 June 20, 2007