One Month later...

It has been almost a month since a decision was made to stop contacting him. How's my feeling...

Well, I don't know how to say it. I have been thinking for this whole month, thinking about what I've got during this month, and what I have done for the past twelve years. Gradually I realized that I was so stupid to love someone deeply that I ignored my family, the ones who will never desert me. The one that I loved too much now has deserted me. How sarcastic!

This afternoon, when I was surfing my elder brother's blog, I found some pictures of my family, I excluded. I was wondering why my elder brother did not include me in his album. Is that because I was so different from them in personality? Well, in the past, I used to think that they didn't understand me. They did not know how I felt. They had no idea that I loved someone very much when I was still a student. They just thought that I was not close enough to them. Well, I WAS not close to them at that moment because all my heart and mind was in someone's. I firmly thought that he and I would be together since he once promised me! I even felt angry with my father when he negatively said that we were just students and we were far away from each other. I was also very angry when my father once said to me that I would never be a good teacher. For the past twelve years I tried to walk in the ways opposite from the expectation of my family. Maybe that's the reason why my elder brother didn't want to include me as one of the family members.

I deserved that, didn't I? Now I feel so sorry for my family because I have kept a distance from them for such a long time. I should have loved them more. Seeing my parents in my brother's album, I realized that they're getting older. My keeping a distance from them must have made them older. My crying and apology can not make them any younger, but my care can warm their hearts. I believe!

Right now I just want to apologize to my family that their daughtor, their sister, has been back. She will not walk away from them anymore. She has learned the lesson! She will always be at their side and always care for them!


17:15 November 12, 2006