Too old to face it?

While I was driving back to Kaohsiung this afternoon, I was listening to ICRT. Suddenly I heard the news which made me thought lucky to tune in the radio today.

It was four o'clock, and it was the time for my favorite program, Music to go, hosted by Emily David. On the show I surprisingly found out that today was her last show. Some listeners even called into the show and sadly said something touching Emily. They even cried, which made Emily even feel like crying. Still driving, I had the feeling of crying, too, since she had accompanyed me for a period of time.

I've listened to Emily's show for about one year. It was the time when I just started my new teaching profession in Kaohsiung. Unable to accept the truth that I was not a formal teacher in school, I was sad during that moment. Therefore, after waving goodbye to my students there, I would like to listen to ICRT while driving home. It took me one hour for the drive. During this hour every day from Monday to Friday, I gradually knew the hostress, Emily David, is a Chinese. However, she speaks fluent English. I've learned a lot from her show, such as some good music, some interviews of special people from different areas, and some call-in activities about some knowledge. She had been together with me during my darkest period of time, including the depression of jobseeking, the angry moment caused by my students, and also the most depressive period of time in my life--the breaking up with someone. I didn't have the courage to call into the show to express my greatfulness to Emily. However, I really appreciated her accompany. Because of her, I told myself to look on the bright side and to continue my life. Nevertheless, it's a pity that I haven't had time to listen to the program since I moved to Hsinchu. And today, I felt lucky to occasionally tune in the radio and learned that her last show was today. Listening to her program, my tears fell, just like the other listeners.

Though tears falling down on my face, I still had to drive, thinking: am I too old to accept the reality of leaving? Since leaving my students in my first year of teaching career, I found myself difficult to face the situation of departure. Last year when my grandmother died, I cried. This year, when he left me, I cried desperately. Also, when my students in KH knew that I would leave, they cried with me. When leaving my dear colleagues in KH, I also had the feeling crying. IS THAT BECAUSE I'M GETTING OLD? I found myself crying hard when facing this stuation. IS THAT BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF BEING LEFT BEHIND AND LONELY? I've heard that most old people are afraid of being alone because they would feel empty in their heart? Am I in this stuation? I hope not!


22:23 September 1, 2006