What depressed me the most.....

As a single woman, she will be stressed by her family about marriage. Many relatives would "kindly" switch the topic to her love life when there is a family reunion during big days.
They'd ask, "well, how's your relationship with the guy?"

"What does he do?"

"How long have you been together with the guy?"

"Will the guy marry you?"

" How soon are you going to get married?"

When asked about these annoying questions, I felt as if I were Bridge Jonse, looking around them embarrassedly.

Well, during that moment, I'd respond, "we'll wait till one of us get a profession with more stable income."

"Well, don't introduce other people to me now. I'm working hard on my job and, besides, I don't need to know other people."

I always answer them firmly with confidence because he had given me confidence for many years. And I always believe in him, "he will be the last people to dump me in the world." So I said to myself.

However, my heart along with my dream was broken by him. He said, " the love was no longer strong enough for me to contiune."

"There are so many pressures that blocked our way."

"You shouldn't have kept me as a secret."

Well, I panicked, cried, and denied the reality I have to face alone. It seemed that he wasn't mature enough to know that passion might fade away after so many years, but the love is still there. It seemed that I made a huge mistake in trusting him so much that I severely hurt myself in the end. Despite the pressure for looking for another teaching career, I need to ease the pain myself, which enormously made me disappointed about my life and my future. "After experiencing this, I'll be stronger. Nothing will beat me off." I kept telling myself.

It has been months since he told me the truth, but I can't walk out of the grief and depression. Nor can I trust any men anymore.



23:09 July 4, 2006